There I stood one morning, staring blankly into the pantry. I wasn’t really looking for a midnight snack; I was trying to escape my own feelings—again. Like many, I’ve mastered the art of burying emotions that don’t feel empowering. It’s a common coping mechanism to dodge discomfort and simply press on. But that day, I finally hit a wall.
My marriage had been crumbling for what felt like ages, and I knew I couldn’t keep avoiding the truth. It was like I was a soda bottle, shaken and ready to explode; I just had to pop the cap and let it all out. I could no longer endure the pressure.
So, I made the decision to confront my feelings head-on. I craved genuine strength, even if it came with the sting of pain and sadness. Facing the truth about my marriage, the years of neglect, the fading intimacy, and the emotional distance was long overdue. I needed to acknowledge the reality of our relationship—no more hiding or pretending.
That night, after a few days of avoidance, my husband, Mark, looked at me and said, “I think I should find a new place to live. It’s clear we both need to pursue our happiness.” A wave of emotions crashed over me—fear, relief, joy, and empowerment all rolled into one. It was a jumbled mess, but I didn’t fight it. I was done with the struggle.
I embraced those feelings, allowing them to bubble up. I realized I couldn’t keep suppressing them, especially after years of emotional distance, his infidelity, and our mutual promise to save the marriage. Deep down, I wished I had been the one to initiate the conversation. I wanted to say, “We need to change this because we can’t go on like this!” But here we were, and that was okay.
You can only live like roommates for so long before you crave genuine love and connection. Hearing our kids ask if we still love each other was a wake-up call—it’s not just our issue anymore; it affects them too.
Unhappiness in a marriage seeps into every corner of your home. It’s impossible to ignore. Mark’s decision forced me to confront a truth I had been too scared to voice. I didn’t think my feelings were valid enough to warrant a separation. I thought I should just endure and stick it out.
But here’s the bottom line: if you feel the need to leave your marriage, do it. Walk away if it’s time. Don’t stay out of obligation to your kids, friends, or family. Even if infidelity, abuse, or dishonesty aren’t part of your story, remember that divorce carries no shame. If you believe your happiness lies elsewhere, don’t hesitate.
I’m not suggesting you avoid hard work or treat this lightly—navigating a separation is tough. But when love fades and misery prevails, it’s often healthier for both parties to part ways. Allowing space can help clarify your feelings.
Since that pivotal night, Mark and I have felt an unexpected lightness. We recognize this might be the best choice for us, as we both deserve the love we once had, even if it’s not with each other.
I am no longer that 27-year-old woman who cried “You are my beloved” at our wedding; I’ve changed, and that’s perfectly fine. He’s not the same man who surprised me on our honeymoon either, and that’s okay too.
We both feel a newfound strength. We’ve established a plan, and while there are still challenging moments, we understand each other’s emotions. We’re determined to make this transition as healthy as possible for our children and ourselves. We’re still aware of one another’s feelings, which is essential.
I genuinely believe that if you feel the need to leave your marriage, you should. You can break free from a life that no longer serves you. Healing often comes from creating space when you start feeling trapped.
In the wake of that night, I’ve felt like a better version of myself. Yes, the journey ahead will be tough, but I’m confident we’ll both grow from this experience.
If you found this article relatable, check out this insightful piece on home insemination, or learn more about navigating your fertility journey over at Make a Mom. Additionally, for a deeper understanding of your options, Parents provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
It’s often necessary to face the reality of a faltering marriage, as avoiding feelings can lead to prolonged unhappiness. When one partner suggests separation, it can open the door to confronting emotions and acknowledging that growth often comes from change. Recognizing that both partners deserve love and fulfillment—even if it’s not with each other—can lead to a healthier transition for everyone involved.