A quote by columnist Doug Larson has been making the rounds on social media, reading, “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” While it’s a clever twist on wedding vows, I doubt many couples ponder this—whether they are newlyweds or seasoned partners.
My spouse and I are gearing up to celebrate our 12th anniversary. I wouldn’t describe our marriage as rocky; rather, it’s been quite fulfilling. Yet, looking back, I realize that navigating life together for over a decade has been a learning experience. The challenge lies in the fact that we’ve both evolved since we first said “I do.” Our goals, dreams, and even our children have changed us. I once assumed the woman I married would remain the same after 20 years, but she’s not—and neither am I. Adapting to an ever-evolving partner is just part of the marital journey, and it presents its own set of challenges.
Sure, we still have our disagreements, but they’re nowhere near as frequent as in our early years. Back then, we argued over everything—money, chores, and even how the toilet paper should hang. It sounds funny now, but let me tell you, it was serious business at the time. I often felt like a hostage negotiator, trying to communicate with my wife through the bathroom door. I can recall going to bed furious over some trivial issue, a gap between us in bed that felt like a chasm, both of us too proud to make the first move toward reconciliation.
When our first child arrived nine years ago, our sleep-deprived minds turned us against each other. I vividly remember a 2 a.m. debate—while cradling a wailing baby—over whose turn it was to take the night shift. At that time, my wife was working full-time while I juggled my job and college classes. We both thought we were doing our part, yet somehow we still ended up at odds.
That’s the tricky part of marriage and parenthood: you can both be doing everything right, and it can still feel overwhelming. Even when both parents deserve a break, life doesn’t always allow for it.
But here’s the silver lining in the not-so-glamorous reality of marriage: the better truly does follow the worse. At least it has for us. Each disagreement, every challenge, and those sleepless nights have taught us valuable lessons about how to coexist harmoniously. Our compromises may not always be perfect, but they’ve been enough to keep us moving forward. This, my friends, is the essence of enduring through thick and thin in marriage.
Sometimes compromises are substantial, and other times they’re minor, but the core of marriage revolves around collaboration. It’s about having those late-night arguments and waking up ready to discuss how to improve things. It involves truly listening to each other and being willing to adjust for the sake of the family.
The reality of marriage is that it requires effort. It means pushing through the tough times to reach the joyful ones. I’ll be the first to say that marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also been the most fulfilling. When you navigate challenges with someone you love, take a moment to appreciate them. They’re right there with you in the trenches, and that’s something special.
I’ve seen my partner go through countless challenges, from sleepless nights with a newborn to balancing a demanding job while I pursued my degree. I’ve watched her tackle motherhood with grace, often while I was off chasing my own goals. We’ve celebrated the small victories together, like when I got our child to tackle homework when others couldn’t, or when she thanked me for sharing the night-time duties as she battled the flu.
We’ve both changed over the years—our bodies, our communication styles, and our understanding of each other. Now, at 12 years in, I feel like we’ve hit a sweet spot where good times outweigh the bad. I know that challenges will still arise, but I’m confident we’ve learned how to navigate the tough moments.
So, if you find yourself in a rough patch, remember that good times often follow the bad. It takes hard work, compromise, adaptation, and a bit of admiration, but trust me, the better days do come.
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Summary
Marriage is a journey filled with challenges and rewards, requiring ongoing effort and compromise. As partners evolve, couples must learn to adapt and navigate tough situations together, ultimately finding strength in their unity. While conflicts may arise, working through them often leads to better times ahead.