By: Jamie Thompson
Once upon a time, I believed that being a “good mom” meant never running out of those little dishwasher pods, laundry detergent, toilet paper, or diapers. My home was supposed to be perpetually ready for guests, with homemade snacks appearing like magic every day. I thought it was my duty as a wife and mother to juggle cleaning, organizing, and planning meals effortlessly. My nightly routine included vacuuming before bed, and I can trace my unrealistic expectations back to television shows like The Brady Bunch and all those sitcom moms from Nick at Nite.
Naturally, this mentality set me up for frequent failures. I had a clear vision of a perfect mom, but it was completely disconnected from who I truly was. I mistakenly thought that giving birth would transform me into a domestic goddess. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. In fact, managing everything became even harder. Suddenly, I was responsible for keeping a tiny, crying human alive while also trying to tackle chores that felt never-ending. This reality made simple tasks, like eating or sleeping, feel monumental, let alone the laundry and dishwasher situation.
You’d think a smart person like me would realize, “Hey, I need help!” But no, I was determined to prove that I could handle it all. Other moms seemed to be getting it right, so I figured I could too. Even after returning to work and having four more kids, I clung to the belief that I had to do everything myself. I’d love to blame sleep deprivation for my stubbornness, but honestly, it was my pride leading the charge.
This mindset led to some entertaining meltdowns—just ask my confused husband. I’d alternate between pretending to be superwoman and then crumbling into full-blown emotional chaos. During these times, I rejected any help he offered, convinced that only I knew how to run our household correctly. I mean, I had given birth to our kids, so I was obviously the expert, right? I was sure he’d mess things up, like that time he accidentally shrank my favorite pants.
However, this delusion only resulted in chaos. My attempts to do everything were met with frustration: “I need help! But not that kind of help! You should just know what I need!” I was expecting my husband to read my mind, which was completely unreasonable. It became a cycle of me trying to do everything and then feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
After years of this exhausting cycle, the light finally clicked on. As my kids grew older, I realized I was still doing everything for them, even tasks they could handle themselves. This realization added a new layer of guilt, as I dragged my kids into my ongoing battle against the chaos.
In a particularly dramatic moment during one of my breakdowns, I found myself shouting, “Does no one else see this mess?!” It hit me—everyone could see it, and they should help. Thus, I established a new rule: “If you can do it for yourself, you should.” This applied to everything, from making their beds to cleaning up after meals.
I decided to step back as the household manager and teach my kids to manage their own responsibilities. I was inadvertently training them to rely on me, which wasn’t doing anyone any favors. They needed to learn how to contribute to our family, and believe me, it was a huge relief for my husband, who had long insisted he could handle chores just fine. So, I took a step back, stopped criticizing, and began appreciating his contributions.
Initially, the kids resisted. They thought I was the only one capable of getting them water or cleaning up. But when I enforced the new rule, they learned to pitch in. Now, everyone helps with the dishes, laundry, and even their own bedtime snacks. It’s messy but beautiful to watch them grow in their independence.
I realized that I loved my kids and my sanity too much to be their maid while they lounged around. I wanted them to understand that everyone contributes to making our home a better place. Once I let go of my pride, I could see this was a gift to them—a gift of accomplishment and the ability to be responsible roommates. They may not always appreciate these lessons, but I do because I see their future.
As a bonus, I’m calmer now. When I do help my kids or take care of chores, they express gratitude. They understand that no one owes them a clean room and that there’s a difference between serving out of love and enabling entitlement.
By letting go of my role as household manager, I now have more time for what I truly enjoy—nurturing my kids’ hearts and dreams, sharing laughs, and being present with them. So if you find yourself feeling like the maid instead of the mom, consider firing yourself and taking a break. Your kids will thank you for it—eventually.
For more insights on motherhood and family dynamics, check out other posts on our blog like this one. And if you’re on a journey towards parenthood, visit Make A Mom for expert advice. For more information on pregnancy, explore the resources available at WHO.
Summary:
My misconceptions about what it means to be a “good mom” led to unnecessary stress and feelings of inadequacy. I learned that true motherhood isn’t about managing every task perfectly; it’s about teaching my children to be responsible and independent. By setting clear expectations and encouraging them to help out, I found relief and joy in my role as a nurturing parent rather than a household manager.