My kids are always bugging me about bringing another little one into our family. Spoiler alert: it’s not happening. Yet, that doesn’t stop their relentless inquiries, unsolicited opinions, and general annoyance. As irritating as my kids can be with their questions about family size, it pales in comparison to the barrage of comments I face from others.
What is it about parenting that seems to give folks the green light to pry into matters that don’t concern them? Why does the choice to have children—or not—seem to invite a flood of unsolicited advice and judgments? And how can we put a stop to this endless questioning about how many kids someone should have?
Sure, innocent questions like “Is this your only child?” or “Are these all your kids?” are understandable. But when folks dive deeper with “Have you thought about adoption?” or “Do you not believe in birth control?” it crosses the line into being intrusive and downright rude.
Whether someone has a bustling household or a cozy family of two, it’s not our place to comment. Behind each family size decision often lies a complex story filled with heartache and personal challenges. When I was trying to conceive my second child, every time someone brought up the possibility of more kids, it felt like a punch to the gut. I wanted to shout, “You have no idea how much I long for another baby! I’m terrified I won’t be able to have more, and when will the questioning stop?!” Instead, I simply replied, “Yes, I hope so.”
Then there’s my friend, Sarah, who has one child. When she and her husband debated having another, she received a cancer diagnosis. After numerous rounds of chemotherapy and a decade-long medication regimen, the door to expanding their family was firmly closed. The questions she receives are like salt in an old wound.
These examples are not isolated; opinions about family size come from all directions. Strangers on the street feel entitled to ask personal questions and dispense unsolicited procreation advice (which is just bizarre). Online, people try to convince others to have children or criticize family size choices. We talk about an “ideal” family size as if it’s a one-size-fits-all. While conversations among friends can be supportive, we’ve crossed a line into judgment.
So, here’s a thought: what if we just stopped commenting on family size?
What if we ceased trying to convince childless couples that they should procreate? What if we stopped telling parents of only children that they’re somehow depriving their kids of a sibling? Why don’t we quit suggesting adoption or natural remedies for fertility issues? And let’s not assume that parents with larger families need a lesson in birth control, either. Essentially, let’s just keep our opinions to ourselves.
Families come in all shapes and sizes for countless reasons. We can’t possibly understand the complexities behind someone’s decision to have two, three, or ten kids. Who are we to judge such a deeply personal choice? Perhaps we comment because we’re nosy or because we’re seeking validation for our own parenting choices.
Maybe, just maybe, if we stopped scrutinizing others, we could focus on feeling more confident about our own family decisions. For more insights into family planning and choices, check out this informative article on intracervical insemination, or learn more about family-building options from Make a Mom. If you’re looking for research on fertility, this link to Science Daily is a fantastic resource.
In summary, it’s time we respect each family’s journey and stop the unsolicited comments about family size. Everyone’s path is unique, and we should honor that.