Updated: June 29, 2021
Originally Published: November 7, 2016
Let’s be honest: the term “cockblocker” didn’t register in my mind until I welcomed my first child into the world. Prior to that, my romantic escapades did not involve the heart-wrenching cries of a newborn echoing just a few feet away. But then came marriage and parenthood, and suddenly I had a front-row seat to this reality.
After mustering the nerve for that first post-baby rendezvous, the moment dissolved into chaos when I yelled, “Can someone please silence that baby?!” My husband quipped back, “Wow, this little one really knows how to cockblock!” And just like that, our intimate adventures became a bumpy road littered with interruptions—better known as “cockblockers.”
Isn’t it amusing? Picture this: “Can we have just five minutes—no, three—oh, forget it, can we squeeze in 45 seconds without being interrupted by the kids?” This scenario played on repeat in our home, and now I have a PhD in understanding what a “cockblocker” truly means. I’m willing to wager that you do too. Good times, right?
Those pesky little ones have a knack for choosing the worst moments. Just when you think you’ve successfully settled them in for the night and are ready to create some magic, suddenly someone needs water, has to use the bathroom, or is convinced there are monsters lurking in the closet.
Are they finally asleep? You’ve even shaved and are feeling frisky? Sorry, someone just threw up their dinner from the top bunk.
Oh, you finally have a moment to yourself while the kids are outside? Great! But just as you’re reaching the climax, here comes a little one banging on your door, crying because of a scraped knee.
Well, it looks like sex will either have to wait or become a distant memory, thanks to these little cockblockers we’ve created. At some point, it’s essential to reclaim your intimate life. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent; it means you recognize that a healthy sexual relationship is crucial to a thriving marriage. If that entails tuning out the kids for a few minutes, so be it!
And trust me, they’ll be just fine. Making your relationship a priority is not just acceptable; it’s necessary. If you keep waiting for the perfect moment to enjoy some quality time together, you might find yourselves in rocking chairs at a nursing home, relying on pills and being interrupted by a nurse checking your blood pressure—thanks to a sexless marriage because you let the kids run the show.
Remember, your love life existed long before those little beings came along. Establishing some ground rules now will help keep the spark alive in your relationship. Here’s what those rules might look like:
- Locked Doors: When the bedroom door is shut, please refrain from incessantly knocking unless someone is genuinely hurt or Grandma is at the front door.
- Private Talks: Inform the kids that Mom and Dad need to have “important discussions” that might take a while. Encourage them to stay far away and be quiet during these “talks.” Hiding in closets can be fun!
- Bedtime Rules: When we say it’s bedtime, we mean it. Stay in your room unless there’s an emergency. If you do come out, please don’t disturb us; we’re “sleeping” soundly. If we don’t get our rest, we might not be nice to anyone, including you.
- Teenage Years: When they reach their teenage years, simply offer them some cash and suggest a long drive for ice cream—preferably out of town.
While having kids means the days of wild and carefree intimacy are behind you, it doesn’t mean you have to stop being sexual beings just because there are a few cockblockers around. It just requires a little creativity and determination to tune out the distractions.
So, parents, fight the good fight! Keep that spark alive.
For more tips on navigating parenthood and intimacy, check out our related post on home insemination. And if you’re looking for expert advice on fertility, visit Make a Mom. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, the UCSF Center is an excellent place to start.
Summary:
Maintaining intimacy can be a challenge for couples with kids constantly around. Establishing rules and creating time for each other can help keep the spark alive. It’s important to prioritize your relationship, as a healthy sex life is vital for marital happiness.