When I was just weeks away from welcoming my first baby, my midwife offered me a reality check about the postpartum phase. “You know,” she said, “in those first few weeks, you’ll mainly be on the couch, recovering from childbirth and nursing.” I smiled politely, secretly thinking, “Not me! I’ll be back on my feet in no time.”
She looked at me over her glasses, clearly sensing my disbelief. “It’s not that you can’t get back to it; it’s that you shouldn’t. Midwife’s orders.” I nodded again, but didn’t fully absorb her advice. After what I thought was a smooth birth and a bout of challenging breastfeeding that kept me tethered to my couch, I tried to stay active. After all, I’d always been a busy bee—why should motherhood slow me down?
Well, surprise! My midwife was spot on. I ended up exhausted, dealt with six weeks of postpartum bleeding, and fell into a pit of postpartum anxiety. Thankfully, with treatment, I healed, and the second time around, I heeded her advice to the letter. I convinced my husband to take two weeks off (unpaid), and I dedicated that time to resting and breastfeeding. It was heavenly, and I felt so much better—both physically and mentally—compared to my first experience.
Reflecting on my two very different postpartum journeys, I often wonder why I ignored my midwife’s wisdom initially. The answer is complex, but it seems to be tied to the unrealistic cultural expectations we have for postpartum moms in America, coupled with a significant lack of support.
During pregnancy, you’re showered with attention—frequent doctor visits and plenty of love from friends and family. Then, after a few days in the hospital, it’s like you’re sent off into the wild with little more than a pat on the back. You won’t see your doctor again for six weeks, and suddenly, all eyes are on the baby, not you. It’s no wonder that so many women feel blindsided by the reality of motherhood, as if they’ve been run over by a bus—both physically and emotionally. Postpartum mood disorders are rampant, and it’s crystal clear: we’re failing our postpartum moms.
This doesn’t have to be our reality. In many other countries, the concept of “mothering the mother” is just as crucial as caring for the newborn. There are cultural practices and government-backed systems that provide this vital support. Meanwhile, in America? Not so much.
We essentially say, “Congrats on bringing a new life into the world! You’ve either gone through a natural birth or major surgery, and now you have a few days—maybe a week—to pull yourself together. Good luck!”
Let’s have an honest conversation, America. I’m frustrated and ready for change. Here’s what we need to tackle:
- Moms Deserve Free Postpartum Help
Did you know that several European countries ensure that new moms receive free assistance once they return home? This includes help with baby care, household chores, and breastfeeding. Just look at this amazing account from a woman in Holland about her postpartum care experience. - Access to Professional Lactation Help
You’ve likely heard that lactation consultants should be covered by insurance due to the Affordable Care Act. Sounds great, right? Unfortunately, many moms find themselves denied coverage because insurance companies love to exploit loopholes. It’s a shameful situation. - We Need Paid Maternity Leave—Like Yesterday
America lags behind all developed nations concerning paid maternity leave. Imagine sitting in the recovery room, cradling your newborn, while already worrying about returning to work. No mother should have to face that on day one, but countless women do. We need to fix this. - Paternity Leave Shouldn’t Be an Afterthought
Let’s not forget that dads matter too! The U.S. is also behind in offering paid paternity leave. I couldn’t have navigated the early days of motherhood without my husband’s presence. He had to take unpaid leave, which took a toll on us financially. That’s just not right. - Ditch the Bounce-Back Myth
Research indicates that it can take up to a year for a woman to fully recover from childbirth. Yet, after a mere six-week check-up, it’s like we’re expected to be back to our old selves. Forget about the postpartum sweat, hair loss, and sleepless nights. We need to be realistic about what moms go through and allow them the time to regain their footing. - Support for Postpartum Mood Disorders is Critical
While awareness of postpartum mood disorders is growing, and even the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) called for screenings in 2015, these recommendations are not mandatory. Quality care is often hard to find and not always covered by insurance. These are serious conditions that need serious attention.
So, come on, America. You are the land where I was born and where I proudly brought my children into the world. Yet, I felt abandoned after giving birth. Is this how we treat our mothers? Our babies? The future generation?
It’s time to put our money where our mouth is. Pool resources and vote for leaders who are committed to making these changes happen. Moms, babies, and families deserve respect and support—right now!
Summary: America is failing postpartum mothers by lacking adequate support and resources after childbirth. Cultural expectations push moms to recover quickly, while many countries provide essential postpartum help. Key areas for improvement include free postpartum assistance, accessible lactation support, paid maternity and paternity leave, and realistic recovery timelines for new mothers. We must advocate for systemic changes that respect and care for moms and their families.