When the nurse placed my firstborn son in my arms, I was dazed from medication and thought, “There’s no way she believes I can handle this little human!” As she briskly exited my recovery room, I gazed at his tiny face and felt completely lost, wondering what in the world I was supposed to do next.
I was utterly unprepared for parenthood, which was glaringly evident when I stood frozen in the aisle of a baby store as my friend explained how to use a breast pump. In the months leading up to my son’s arrival, I tried to read up on parenting, but I could never find the “I Have No Idea What I’m Doing” guidebook that I so desperately needed.
After a tough recovery from a C-section and a challenging battle with postpartum depression, the early days of motherhood were overwhelming. My body felt foreign, my hormones were all over the place, and my son seemed to change the rules daily. Between growth spurts, diaper rash, and sleepless nights, I often questioned my abilities as a mother. Let’s just say motherhood didn’t come naturally to me; it felt like I was learning through an exhausting trial by fire. And oh, was I tired.
Now that my kids are teenagers, I reflect on that chaotic time and realize there are countless things I would do differently. While I wouldn’t want to relive the cracked nipples, relentless fatigue, and those late-night cries, if I could go back, I’d share these pearls of wisdom with my postpartum self:
- That baby wipe warmer? Complete waste of money. Invest in a quality nursing bra instead.
- Generic diapers work just as well as the pricey ones. Use the extra cash for wine, trust me.
- Skipping showers is okay. If it means savoring a hot cup of coffee or enjoying a meal with both hands, do it. Ponytails and dry shampoo are your best friends.
- The first time you have sex post-C-section might make you question your choice of partner, but it gets better—trust me, have sex anyway.
- Forget about removing breast milk stains from your clothes; it’s a lost cause. Treat yourself to new outfits—you deserve it after feeding your little one.
- Your child won’t be 18 and still sucking a pacifier. If he’s 4 and still using it, that’s perfectly fine.
- Same goes for potty training. No stress; he’ll figure it out, I promise.
- Remember the smell of your baby’s head; inhale deeply. It’s a scent you’ll miss most.
- In those quiet, dark moments with your baby, relish the stillness. Life will get chaotic before you know it, and you’ll long for those peaceful times.
- It’s totally okay to tell your toddler that public bathrooms don’t exist. Seriously.
- Relish every moment of being Santa. The magic will fade, and it’ll tug at your heart.
- You will poop normally again, but be prepared for an audience for years to come.
- No one will judge you if you toss out your kids’ artwork. Just keep the handprint and footprint ones; they won’t remember the rest.
- Your baby’s cries may drive you nuts now, but soon, their teenage voice will make you nostalgic.
- Buy a cake for their first birthday party. No toddler recalls the hours you spent crafting the perfect icing. Sleep is precious; let someone else handle it.
- Go on as many dates as you can with your partner. You’ll crave that connection when the kids are grown.
- Don’t always be the one behind the camera. Hand your phone to your partner and say, “Capture a moment of me with the kids.” They’ll want to remember your smile, your hands, and your hair.
- It’s perfectly okay to think your toddler is a little terror. Spoiler: toddlers are often terrors.
- Toddler tantrums are not for the faint of heart—or the sober. You’ll survive the noise, I promise.
- You will return to your career. It may feel a bit awkward, but you’ll eventually find time to refocus on the job you once loved.
- Be kind to yourself every day. It’ll help you maintain your sanity, especially on tough days.
- No, you can’t return the baby. But it’s normal to want to at times—don’t worry.
- Calling your best friend from the closet is a perfectly valid coping strategy. And any mom who says she’s never done it? She’s lying.
- You created a human. That alone makes you a superhero. Never forget it.
- Trust your instincts. If something feels off with your child, advocate fiercely until someone listens. A mother’s intuition is more reliable than any clock.
- The first poop after a C-section is an eye-opener, to put it mildly. Take those stool softeners and stock up on witch hazel pads.
- It’s okay to tell people who suggest you “sleep when the baby sleeps” to do your laundry and cook your meals—especially if your baby doesn’t sleep.
- Avoid looking “down there” in the early months. Your vagina won’t always resemble a horror show. Remember, curiosity killed the cat!
- You will sleep again—sort of. You’ll feel like a ninja with night vision goggles, but you will catch some z’s.
- You’ll fit into jeans again. They may not be the same size as before (meh!), but you’ll rock some stylish pants with a zipper and look fabulous.
Looking back, there are so many moments I’d change. I’d remind myself to chill and that strict bedtimes will only drive you crazy. I’d emphasize that the years are long but the days are short, and the silence of an empty house once the kids are at school can be deafening. I’d also encourage myself to skip chores now and then in favor of watching Netflix during nap time.
Most importantly, I’d wrap my new mom self in a comforting hug and whisper into her unwashed hair, “You’re doing great as a mother.” That’s all I really needed to hear in those early days.
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