We often hear parents say, “I just want my kids to be happy,” but this mindset can be one of the biggest traps we fall into. Sure, there are a ton of things that can bring a child joy—like skipping bedtimes for marathons of cartoons or drowning in a sea of candy. But let’s be real: I’m not about to indulge in that kind of parenting.
My primary goal as a parent isn’t to ensure my kids are happy all the time; it’s to help them find fulfillment. Happiness is a slippery creature. Chasing constant happiness can be just as numbing as a life devoid of it.
When we prioritize making our kids happy, we inadvertently teach them that any moment of unhappiness means life has gone awry. Feeling sad? Ice cream. Bored? New toys! Loud? Here’s the TV! What we’re really instilling in them is the belief that happiness is something to be bought from the outside, but true happiness isn’t found in material things.
My responsibility as a parent is not just about happiness—it’s to keep them healthy and safe. If I get to wish for something, it won’t be happiness; instead, I want my kids to experience love in all its forms.
I want them to navigate obstacles with wit and grace. I want them to explore their hearts and minds, digging up treasures within themselves. I want them to maintain a thirst for knowledge and a passion for experiences. I want them to be grounded in empathy and compassion, to be generous, and to make a tangible impact on those around them.
I want my kids to believe in their worth and the significance of even the smallest actions. I want them to have confidence, face fears regularly, and occasionally find courage. I want them to overflow with creativity, try new things, and embrace risks—falling and failing, but learning to rise again with a few scrapes and scars. I want them to trust in the healing power of “next time.”
I want my children to be secure enough to pursue their own dreams and to be generous enough to share their successes. These aspirations don’t typically come hand-in-hand with fleeting happiness; they require hard work, time, and commitment from me as a parent.
This journey demands that I continuously learn about myself and strive to be my authentic self every day, both when they’re watching and when they’re not. It means diving into topics like education, nutrition, and even the latest trends in parenting. It means confronting my own fears and limitations, and being open to their unique quirks and differences.
Sometimes, it requires immediate problem-solving when they run to me in tears, and at other times, it calls for stepping back to let them fight their own battles. It means knowing when to help and when to hold back.
Being a parent is an all-consuming role filled with challenges; it’s both heart-wrenching and rewarding. I want to be the type of parent my kids look up to, someone they can confide in during tough times. I aim to give them as much knowledge and wisdom as I can, while also pursuing what I don’t know, and finding peace in the gaps.
While desiring our children to be happy sounds easy, teaching them to build lives rich with meaning and connection is a monumental task. We’re all still figuring it out as we go along.
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Summary
Parenting is about more than just making kids happy; it’s about fostering fulfillment, resilience, and empathy. While the pursuit of happiness is common, true growth comes from overcoming challenges and embracing life’s complexities. By focusing on these values, we prepare our children for a meaningful life.