When my eldest was small, I received a nugget of wisdom that stuck with me: make your home the go-to hangout for your kids and their friends. For a while, I was all in on that dream. My plan? To transform our place into the ultimate fun zone. I envisioned a trampoline in the backyard and the latest gaming console taking center stage. I imagined endless snacks, including all the sugary treats and chips that would make any kid’s eyes light up.
Fast forward to today, and none of that materialized. There’s no trampoline, no fancy gaming system, and I definitely don’t let the neighborhood crew raid our fridge at will. Instead, I’m the one who sends my kids and their friends outside while the baby naps, and I insist they clean up after themselves when they bring out their entire collection of bikes and sports equipment. Honestly, I’ve become the exact opposite of the fun mom I once aspired to be—and you know what? I’m perfectly fine with that.
Sure, the idea of being the cool house has its appeal. After all, when those teenage years hit, having friends flock to our home means I can keep a watchful eye on them. I’d know who they’re hanging out with and what kind of trouble they might be getting into. But as I’ve grown into this parenting gig, I’ve realized that my main priority is no longer about being the house everyone wants to visit. Instead, I want to create a space where my kids genuinely feel at home—one filled with love, not just the latest gadgets or endless junk food.
Let’s face it, growing up is tough. If my own tumultuous adolescent years are anything to go by, my oldest is bound to face her fair share of friend drama, boy chaos, and all sorts of emotional rollercoasters. On those challenging days, I want her to see our home as a sanctuary. I hope she can walk through the door after a rough day and feel enveloped in comfort and safety, knowing that no matter what happens out there, she’s got a solid foundation waiting for her.
Creating that environment doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a work in progress. I’m figuring it out one day at a time, learning through trial and error. So, I have to apologize, kids—family vacations will likely be free of your friends tagging along. While I get that you’d have a blast with your buddies, I’d rather have you at the table playing board games with us. I want you to form lifelong bonds with your siblings, and I want to soak up those unfiltered moments when you’re not worried about impressing your pals or feeling too shy to hug your parents.
While I don’t think the advice to have the cool house is inherently bad, I’ve adopted a new philosophy: Friends are fun, but family is forever. I once thought my role was to help my teens build their worlds around their friends, but I now see my true mission as constructing a safety net of family around them. No one loves them unconditionally quite like their parents and siblings, and I want to invest my time and energy in showing them that.
I want my kids to feel that, no matter how tough life gets, home is the one place they can truly be themselves and be accepted for who they are. And if they want to bring friends over sometimes, well, that’s cool too!
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Summary
In my journey as a parent, I’ve shifted my focus from trying to be the ‘cool mom’ with the ‘fun house’ to creating a nurturing environment for my kids. I want our home to be a safe haven where they can always feel loved and accepted, especially during their challenging teenage years. While I may not have all the trendy gadgets, my priority is to foster strong family bonds and lasting memories.