“What letter is this?” I ask my freshly minted 5-year-old, Kyle. He squints at it, his little brow furrowing.
“E,” he declares, full of confidence, before turning back to his toys.
“Nope, buddy, it’s a Z. Last letter of the alphabet,” I reply, thinking this might be a teachable moment.
“Okay, Mom,” he shrugs.
Meanwhile, I’m reading with my 6-year-old, Noah. We dive into Alice in Wonderland, taking turns with each paragraph. He stumbles over a few words but manages to sound them out pretty well, often making more errors with familiar words. We’ve already zipped through Peter Pan. I’m a firm believer in exposing kids to great literature, and I carefully select books that suit Noah’s reading level and interest.
Then there’s Kyle. Noah was reciting his letters at three, thanks to his obsession with interactive apps. Kyle, on the other hand, has always found more exciting adventures outside of the alphabet. I tried every trick in the book—letter stamps, drawing, and even those catchy educational songs. We attempted various programs, including Getting Ready for the Code and Hooked on Phonics, mixing in crafts like making colorful critters out of pipe cleaners for the letter I and gluing buttons for the letter B. We combed through every alphabet book I could find.
But nothing stuck. Each day, Kyle would seem to forget what he’d learned just the day before. While Noah was zooming through Frog and Toad and moving into chapter books, my youngest didn’t even recognize the letter A, let alone its sound or how to spell his name.
After countless crafts and videos, I finally took a deep breath, looked at Kyle, and accepted the situation. Kids grow at their own pace, and my boys are prime examples of this. Noah is as much of an outlier as Kyle. Remember, it wasn’t too long ago that kids entered kindergarten without knowing their letters. I can still hear the songs about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” playing in my head. Interestingly, in Finland, children don’t start reading until they’re 7, yet they rank sixth in the world for reading, according to the 2012 PISA report. This serves as a gentle reminder that Kyle is right on track with global standards for his age.
Our expectations have shifted over the years; kids are now often expected to know how to read before kindergarten. Early childhood education has become more focused on structured learning rather than play. This is one reason we decided to homeschool—because I believe early years should be filled with play, not rigid desk work. Since Kyle didn’t attend preschool, he spent his days building forts with his brothers, staging epic battles with plastic dinosaurs, and enjoying storytime. If Finland’s approach teaches us anything, it’s that play is exactly what he needs.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I think of a friend whose approach to unschooling was radically different. He didn’t pick up reading until he was 10, teaching himself with the works of Charles Dickens. Today, he’s thriving in a fulfilling career.
Kyle is starting to make progress. We finally found a reading program he enjoys, and he’s managed to learn the first five letters of the alphabet, consistently identifying them and their sounds. At this rate, he should know them all in a couple of months, and then we’ll start focusing on phonics. I suspect I won’t be able to introduce a more intensive reading program until he turns 6.
He may be the last reader in our homeschool group, but I have faith he’ll catch up. Late readers often perform just as well as early ones in the long run. I do face some family pressure and raised eyebrows when I mention he doesn’t know his letters yet, but Kyle seems unfazed. Often, it’s me who needs to take that deep breath.
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In summary, every child learns at their own pace, and while my youngest may not know his letters yet, I trust that he will get there in his own time. It’s essential to embrace this journey and remember that play is just as crucial as structured learning during these formative years.