I’ve been blissfully married for nearly two decades, but calling myself an expert on love or relationships would be a stretch. I’m just incredibly lucky, thankful, and proud to be in a marriage that I hope my kids will look up to and maybe even want to emulate one day.
So, how have we kept the spark alive all these years? It boils down to effort. We understand that marriage requires regular maintenance—kind of like that stubborn rose bush that blooms beautifully but demands daily care. We treat our marriage like a top-notch machine that needs occasional servicing but never complete replacement. It runs smoothly, and I hope my children are observing those little habits that keep it that way for their future partnerships.
1. It’s Totally Fine to Argue—Even in Front of the Kids.
We argue, we reconcile, and we do it openly. Disagreements can be respectful and constructive, showing our kids that just because we’re having a knock-down, drag-out fight doesn’t mean our love is in jeopardy. Sometimes, we even go to bed angry (gasp!). Our kids see that it’s okay to take a breather and tackle issues with fresh eyes in the morning, rather than feeling pressured to resolve everything immediately. Pretending that marriages are free of conflict creates an unrealistic picture of healthy relationships.
2. Discuss Finances Together.
Talk about budgeting, expenses, and saving openly in front of your children. Discuss why you choose not to use credit or why some things are beyond your budget. Keeping financial matters secret only sets your kids up for financial cluelessness in the future.
3. Engage in Political Discussions.
Stay engaged and informed together, discussing current events and political candidates. It’s easy to feel disheartened about the state of the country, but disengaging in front of your children is a big no-no. They need to witness informed discussions about the issues that will shape the world they inherit.
4. Show Plenty of Affection.
Make it a daily practice to express love physically and emotionally, so your kids see that marriage is more than just romance; it’s about companionship and respect. Little gestures—like holding hands in the car or hugging before leaving the house—don’t go unnoticed. Plus, nothing makes kids cringe like watching their parents be affectionate, giving you some much-needed private time!
5. Each Partner Plays to Their Strengths.
In our marriage, we’ve embraced traditional roles that make us both happy. I stepped back from full-time work to focus on home life, where I thrive, while my husband excels in his career. Whatever works best for you as a couple—whether it’s both working or swapping roles occasionally—embrace it. Knowing your strengths and respecting each other’s contributions creates a harmonious partnership worth modeling for your kids.
Your marriage is likely the first—and perhaps only—example of love your children will observe. So love your partner fiercely, without resentment or regret, and let your kids witness that. They’ll cherish those positive memories as they embark on their own romantic journeys.
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Summary
Show your kids what a healthy marriage looks like by arguing respectfully, discussing finances openly, engaging in political conversations, demonstrating affection, and playing to each other’s strengths. These are the foundations of a loving partnership that your children will carry into their own future relationships.