By: Jenna Collins
Updated: Feb. 1, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 23, 2016
As moms, we often find ourselves in a constant battle for sanity. Sometimes we recharge by inviting a friend over to vent, texting our partner to pick up dinner (again), or stealing a few moments behind a locked bathroom door for some peace. Personally, I’ve found my sanity in taking baths, enjoying a glass of wine, making phone calls, binge-watching movies, or indulging in ice cream. But there’s also a unique form of self-preservation I like to call becoming a “Lobotomy Mom.”
Now, before you raise an eyebrow, let me clarify that I’m not suggesting a real lobotomy. The old-school method of dividing your brain with an ice pick is definitely not in vogue! The term “Lobotomy Mom” first came to me from a therapist who advised my friend to disengage her brain when she was dealing with her children’s squabbles. Essentially, it means temporarily switching off that instinct to intervene in your kids’ lives.
Admittedly, this is easier said than done. However, here are ten situations where embracing your inner Lobotomy Mom can help you maintain your sanity:
1. When Your Kids are Arguing
I’ve found that if I just stay out of it (as long as no one’s bleeding), my kids resolve their disputes much quicker. When I step in, it shifts their focus from each other to me—like having a referee in a couple’s spat.
2. During Homework Time
Let’s be real; I can barely understand their homework anymore. Attempting to explain things with my outdated knowledge often ends up in confusion, so it’s best to just let them tackle it alone.
3. When They’re Getting Dressed
This is hands down the hardest area for me to let go. But if they want to leave the house in mismatched clothes, that’s their choice. I’ve had to learn to pick my battles.
4. While They Clean Their Rooms
Let’s face it: kids aren’t the best at cleaning. But if they never practice, they’ll never improve. So, I try to let them figure it out—even if it’s not to my standards.
5. When They’re Playing Quietly
Ever find yourself wondering, “Why is it so quiet?” If your kids are old enough to avoid dangerous situations, let them be. Sometimes, silence is golden.
6. When They’re Taking Risks (That Aren’t Life-Threatening)
I believe kids should have the chance to climb trees or ride bikes down steep hills. Holding onto my fears only robs them of valuable experiences.
7. When They Struggle to Make Friends at the Playground
It’s painful to watch them try and fail to connect with peers. I can give them advice, but I can’t force friendships. Detaching myself is necessary for their growth.
8. When They Refuse to Wear a Coat
I once let my son freeze at recess because he didn’t want to wear his coat. Since then, he’s learned to dress appropriately. Lesson learned.
9. While They’re Being Creative
Kids have wild imaginations. If we try too hard to guide their creativity, we risk stifling it. Let them explore their own ideas, even if they don’t conform to our expectations.
10. When They’re Carrying Out Tasks You Assigned
Even if they’re doing things incorrectly, sometimes it’s best to just let them figure it out. It can be hard to watch, but it’s beneficial for their learning.
We could all benefit from a little brain disengagement from time to time. By letting go, we not only give our kids a chance to become more independent, but we also create space in our lives for our own needs. After all, when we preserve our own identities, we have so much more to offer. If you’re interested in learning about home insemination, check out this article on intracervical insemination. For more information on at-home options, Make a Mom is a great resource. And if you want to dive deeper into the topic, WebMD provides excellent insights on IUI success rates.
Summary:
Embracing the “Lobotomy Mom” mindset can be a game-changer for sanity. By stepping back in specific situations—such as arguments, homework help, or creative pursuits—moms can foster independence in their children while also reclaiming their own mental space.