If you’re not well-acquainted with attachment parenting, it’s a style often marked by co-sleeping, feeding on demand, responding swiftly to a baby’s cries, and employing gentle discipline. If this approach doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly okay! This isn’t a critique of traditional parenting methods, which certainly have their own benefits that I might not fully grasp.
However, I do have experience with attachment parenting. All four of our children were raised this way, and I want to offer support to those parents who glance at their peacefully sleeping child and question if they’re being spoiled. I’m talking to the mom who feels like a human pacifier or the couple who hasn’t had a weekend away since their baby arrived and wonders if it’s worth it. If that sounds like you, keep reading.
We didn’t consciously choose attachment parenting. When we welcomed our first child, we hadn’t really considered what kind of parents we wanted to be; it just unfolded naturally. Our son slept better when he was close to us, so co-sleeping became our norm. I’ve never been the strict-schedule type, so nursing on demand felt right — day and night, 24/7. This made leaving Baby No. 1 for any duration nearly impossible, so we simply didn’t. And those hefty baby carriers? My back was not a fan! I soon discovered it was much easier to carry him in my arms or use a baby sling.
Before we knew it, we were fully embracing attachment parenting. While this approach felt instinctive and enjoyable, I still had doubts about our nontraditional choices (even with support from family and Dr. Sears). There were certainly phases with our young ones that made me second-guess our decisions. When our firstborn turned four, he experienced a serious bout of separation anxiety. Had we made him too reliant? At five, Baby No. 2 was still sneaking into our bed at night. Was that typical? Baby No. 3 wanted to be held almost constantly for her first 18 months. Was that acceptable? And Baby No. 4 didn’t speak as early as the others. Had we spoiled him by catering to his every whim?
If only I had known back then what I know now: my kids turned out just fine — great, in fact. They’re not fully grown yet; only one has flown the nest, and Baby No. 4 is still just 12 years old. But I genuinely like who they are becoming. While I don’t credit their delightful natures solely to attachment parenting, I believe that being raised with so much love has made a profound difference. Here are some long-term benefits I’ve observed from attachment parenting:
- Kindness: My kids are not perfect, but they genuinely strive to be kind to others — to me, each other, and classmates who seem to struggle. Attachment kids grow up expecting kindness since their needs are met with compassion.
- Independence: A common criticism of attachment parenting is that it fosters dependency. Not true! While they might not have been the most independent toddlers, my tweens, teens, and young adults exude confidence and capability. I think the security from attachment parenting nurtures their independence.
- Affection: It’s been a while since we heard those little feet padding into our room at night (yes, they eventually sleep in their own beds!), but they’re still big snugglers. My 12-year-old loves to cuddle up during movie time, and my teenage daughters share sweet moments together. They rarely enter or exit a room without expecting a hug.
- Healthy Attachments: Despite warnings about being friends with your kids, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We maintain authority, but we also share a relaxed relationship that eases the typical teen turbulence.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Yes, my kids do argue, but beneath the squabbles lies a deep love likely stemming from our strong family ties.
- Happiness: The attachment kids I know are generally happy. They’ve experienced early childhood cradled in the arms of those who matter most. Dr. Sears likens attachment parenting to feeding a hungry child: a child’s need for love and security is as fundamental as physical hunger. When their emotional needs are met, they thrive.
Attachment parenting isn’t the sole approach to child-rearing. My children are far from perfect, and I’ve certainly stumbled along the way. But I appreciate who they are becoming. While I’m no parenting expert, it was fellow mothers who soothed my worries when I was a new mom, not professionals. Attachment parenting worked for us — so if it feels right to you, embrace it. Yes, it can be demanding, but remember: this phase is fleeting, and you’re creating priceless memories with incredible kids.
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Summary
Attachment parenting might not have been our initial intention, but it turned out to be a rewarding journey. Our children exhibit kindness, independence, affection, healthy attachments, strong sibling bonds, and happiness. While it’s not the only way to parent, it has shaped our family positively. If you’re considering this path, embrace it — the memories you create will last a lifetime.