From the moment a baby arrives, after checking off those adorable fingers and toes, every mom secretly hopes for one thing: a good sleeper. Sure, the first night might be a blur, and the first few weeks are expected to be chaotic, but as soon as possible, please! Who can blame a mom for wanting a little shut-eye? Sleep is essential for surviving the daily grind of life.
My firstborn, however, was the poster child for bad sleepers. She started off strong, effortlessly snoozing through the night by five or six weeks. But then things took a turn—she began dropping off the growth chart, and I was forced to wake her every two hours for feedings. So, in essence, I taught her the art of being a terrible sleeper. Fantastic! Even after the need for those late-night feedings passed, she continued to wake every couple of hours, crying until she nearly gagged if I didn’t attend to her. It was a rough road for nearly two years.
Wondering if your baby might also be on the path to sleepless nights? Here are the five stages of grief every mom goes through when the reality of a poor sleeper sets in. Which stage are you in?
1. Denial
This stage usually kicks in after the initial few weeks. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism, and for many moms, it can last quite a while. Surely, things will improve, right? It always gets better! You’ve heard that many babies settle into a routine by now. But there are countless reasons your baby might not be following that script: they’re hungry! They’re teething! Sleep regressions! Maybe everyone else is just exaggerating! Okay, maybe there’s a small issue…
2. Anger
Anger can hit anywhere from a few weeks to around six months. You finally come to terms with the fact that this is your new reality. And when you hear friends casually mention their babies sleeping through the night at six weeks, it’s hard not to think: “This is so unfair!” You might find yourself resenting those friends, even your own parents who cannot grasp why their perfect little grandbaby is struggling. You might even feel like flipping off that sleep training book every time you pass it.
3. Bargaining
At this point, you might either hire a sleep consultant or begin considering the advice of friends who suggest you try the Ferber method. You’d do anything for a full night’s sleep—even if it means “torturing” your baby! Just kidding! But seriously, you might decide to let your baby sleep in your bed just to avoid getting up anymore. “Oh, it’ll just be for a few weeks until we get through this cold/teething/sleep regression!” Yeah, right.
4. Depression
Around the five to six-month mark, the realization hits hard: the amount of sleep you’re getting isn’t improving anytime soon. This can be incredibly disheartening. You’re either stuck re-teaching your baby to sleep through every little hiccup or resigning yourself to never having alone time with your partner again since there’s constantly a baby in your room. The days may feel endless, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim.
5. Acceptance
Eventually, you may find yourself surrendering to the situation—this can be viewed as acceptance, too. You start relying on that extra cup of coffee in the morning and learn to nod off during your favorite shows because, well, it is what it is. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll start to envision your little one as a future champion sleeper—able to snooze through anything, even a thunderstorm. In five years, they might be the kind of kid who falls asleep the moment the lights go out!
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In summary, every mom goes through a rollercoaster of emotions when faced with the reality of her baby being a poor sleeper. From denial to acceptance, it’s a challenging but ultimately temporary phase. With a little patience, coffee, and perhaps some humor, you’ll navigate this wild ride.