I’ve spent what feels like an eternity lying in the dark beside a restless child, desperately wishing for the moment when they finally succumb to sleep. When the struggle becomes real, I occasionally resort to hiding beneath the covers, scrolling through social media on the lowest brightness setting, praying my not-so-sleepy child doesn’t catch me breaking the “no screens after dark” rule.
But not every night is a battle. Sometimes, those moments of lying together as my kids transition from wakefulness to slumber can be genuinely heartwarming. It can be just as magical as I imagined parenting would be before I entered this chaotic journey. In those quiet moments, my kids snuggle close, and I catch the faint scent of their sweet hair, feel their soft cheeks against my shoulder, and hear the rhythmic beating of their little hearts — and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude.
While I’ve heard all the arguments against lying down with your kids until they fall asleep — it’s supposedly a habit to break when they’re babies — I wonder: What if you simply choose not to? What if you rock or nurse your baby to sleep every night and then shift to holding hands or patting their backs as they grow? And when they’re older, if they ask you to stay and provide comfort until they drift off, do you deny them that?
You might worry: How will they learn to self-soothe? How will they ever sleep without you? Will they become overly dependent? The short answer is no. Research indicates that the more secure and attached children feel, the more confident and independent they become. It adds up: Providing a sense of security allows kids to navigate the world with more ease.
That doesn’t mean every family must adopt the bedtime snuggle routine. There are many ways to nurture secure kids, and this isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. But if lying down with your children works for you, there’s no reason to feel guilty about it. Just because you indulge in this habit doesn’t mean your kids won’t learn to adapt or fall asleep on their own.
I lie down with my kids because they want me there, it’s something we’ve always done together, and while I sometimes begrudge those extra minutes, they mean everything to my kids. Between school, meals, and a million other commitments, those moments of quiet closeness before sleep are rare and precious.
And let’s be real: I don’t like falling asleep alone either! When my partner is away, I find it takes me forever to doze off. If I — as a fully grown adult — crave that extra security, why shouldn’t my kids at 4 and 9?
I stay with them on nights when they seem restless or anxious, knowing these moments of closeness are fleeting. I also recognize that boys are often taught to suppress their emotions, which can lead to long-term issues. I lie down with them because they ask for it, and I’m happy to oblige.
Sure, there are nights when I’d rather be anywhere but lying in the dark, sometimes feeling frustrated and overstimulated. It’s a struggle, but I also realize that those quiet moments, as my children drift off in the comfort of my presence, hold immeasurable value for both them and me. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
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Summary:
Lying down with your kids until they fall asleep isn’t a bad habit; it can foster security and emotional closeness. While some may argue this creates dependence, research shows that a secure attachment can lead to greater independence. Every family is different, and if bedtime snuggles work for you, embrace them. These moments are precious and provide both comfort and connection.