So, here you are, making strides in your life after a tough divorce. You’ve managed to lift yourself and your kids up and are navigating your way through this new chapter. But then, boom—the holiday season rolls in. As Halloween approaches, that familiar feeling of dread creeps in. You start checking the calendar, knowing that Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas are just around the corner.
You pull out that decree, which, if you’re freshly divorced, is likely still pristine and neatly stapled. Mine? Well, let’s just say it’s been through a lot—highlighted, crumpled, and marked by blood, sweat, and yes, even wine. You read through the holiday arrangements. Many of us alternate holidays in even and odd years. Sometimes you and your ex can negotiate dates with a smile, while other times it feels like you’re clinging to that schedule for dear life, like Rose clinging to that door on Titanic.
Occasionally, you might even collaborate with your ex for a unified holiday celebration, creating a joyful environment for the kids. Every scenario is completely normal, and it’s essential to remember that there’s no definitive right or wrong way to approach holiday festivities post-divorce. It’s all about doing what’s best for both your children and yourself—often a balance that resembles a Venn diagram where sometimes the circles overlap beautifully, and sometimes they don’t.
If you find yourself in the “Unified Holiday Camp,” kudos to you! You’re creating wonderful memories for your kids, and they’ll appreciate that their parents could set aside differences for joyful times. But if you’re not there and can’t even locate the campsite, don’t worry. As the holiday season approaches, you might be bombarded with images of ex-spouses coming together, writing heartfelt letters of appreciation. You’ll hear people say, “All divorced parents should handle it this way,” or “Why can’t everyone prioritize the kids?” Remember, what works for one family doesn’t work for all. Sometimes there’s legitimate animosity, and boundaries are essential for your wellbeing. And that’s perfectly OK. You do you, as the cool kids say.
Many of you are still in survival mode, and the holiday season can amplify those feelings. The hardest part is often the separation from your kids, whether it’s just for a night or a week. The first time they drive away can feel like your heart is being slowly unraveled. Waking up on Christmas morning to silence can be haunting—no excited kids bouncing in to share their joy over gifts. For some, that silence feels like a nightmare, and it stings.
But here’s the silver lining: you will get through this, and so will your kids. With each passing year, it tends to improve. Will the hurt vanish completely? For some, yes; for others, it may become a manageable ache. It’s natural to reflect on the past, but remember to focus on the present too. Look at your kids—though they’ve grown, their little selves are still there. Savor the moments you have with them so that you can cherish those memories when they aren’t around.
Wondering how to fill the quiet time? The options are endless. Here are some ideas:
- Spread the Word: Don’t hesitate to let friends know you’ll be alone. You might be surprised by the invitations that come your way, whether it’s a friend’s family gathering or a fellow single looking for company.
- Treat Yourself: If finances allow, splurge on something you love. Maybe it’s some fancy crab legs, a homemade cheesecake, or your favorite candy—enjoy it without hiding it from the kids!
- Binge-Watch: Holiday downtime is perfect for getting lost in a series on Netflix or Amazon. My current obsession is “The Wire”—Idris Elba, anyone?
- Get Moving: Go for a walk. On a lonely Thanksgiving, I strolled through my neighborhood, smelling turkey dinners wafting around me. It felt empowering.
- Catch a Movie: If you can manage it, treat yourself to a movie. Even if you’re alone, sinking into a plush seat can be a nice escape.
- Get Cozy: If you have someone special in your life, embrace that intimacy. Now’s your chance to have a little fun and enjoy those moments together.
- Give Back: Volunteer or do something kind for someone else. It’s amazing how helping others can brighten your spirits.
Remember, the holidays will come and go, and eventually, the rigid schedules will fade. How you spend those days is entirely up to you. Even if things feel bleak, it’s possible to create a joyful holiday atmosphere. And always remember: you’re not alone.
Summary
The holiday season can be challenging after a divorce, but it’s essential to focus on what brings joy and comfort. Whether it’s reconnecting with friends, indulging in your favorite treats, or giving back, there are countless ways to navigate this time positively. Embrace the present moments with your children, cherish your memories, and know that you have the power to create a fulfilling holiday experience, no matter your circumstances.