I no longer observe Father’s Day with my dad. Not because he has passed away—no, my biological father is alive and well. But now, my biological father identifies as a woman.
To clarify: the person who provided the genetic material that brought me into this world is now living as a woman. Yes, the physical transformation has occurred—no more penis, a vagina has been created, and she now adorns herself in makeup and feminine attire.
Did that surprise you? I wish it didn’t. I long for a world where everyone is accepted, regardless of their identity or experiences. A world where personal expression and transformation are met with understanding and love, rather than judgment.
I understand that this can be a lot to process, especially if you haven’t encountered it before. Just as it took my father years to uncover her true identity, I, too, needed time to fully embrace her transition.
The Revelation
The revelation of my father’s gender identity came when I was in my mid-20s. My husband and I visited my parents for the holidays, and early on, my father asked to speak with us privately. My heart raced with concern—was this a sign of health issues? I gently agreed to the meeting.
When we were alone, my father wasted no time. “There’s a woman inside of me. I cross-dress sometimes to let her out,” he said directly.
I was taken aback. I had braced myself for news about cancer, not this life-altering announcement. My mouth fell open in shock, leaving me momentarily speechless. Thankfully, my husband spoke up, saying, “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.”
In my head, I was shouting, “Exactly! What he said!” though my voice timidly asked, “Do you have any pictures?” My father laughed and gladly shared photos, understanding my awkwardness was rooted in acceptance.
Embracing Josephine
She now identifies as Josephine, and truly, we are doing well. However, the journey to acceptance was not without its challenges. While I quickly embraced Josephine’s new identity, I also had to navigate feelings of loss. I worked with a therapist to explore these emotions and learned that grief and acceptance can coexist. While I mourned the father I once knew—the loss of a grandfather for my children and the father-daughter relationship I envisioned—I also welcomed her transition as a new beginning.
Josephine, always the engineer, likened her transition to updating a computer. While the hardware (her physical form) changed, the software (her true self) remained intact. This analogy resonates well and I hope more people can relate to it, fostering acceptance toward our transgender friends and family.
Character Over Identity
Character is what truly defines a person. Josephine is kind, generous, and loving—a good person at heart. It disheartens me to see others struggle to grasp her transition. I often avoid the subject with certain friends, unsure of their capacity for understanding.
Fortunately, children tend to be more open-minded. My daughter, for instance, once asked me, “Mom, who is your father?” I explained, “My father was Richard. He was a man outside but felt like a woman inside. So, she changed her appearance to match her true self. That’s Grandma Jo now.”
After a moment’s thought, my daughter replied, “How sad. You don’t have a dad. But I love Grandma Jo, and I’m happy to have her.” Even at such a young age, she recognized the blend of sadness and joy inherent in transformation and the importance of accepting loved ones, no matter the differences in their experiences.
A New Kind of Parent
Josephine has become who she was always meant to be, and she is genuinely happy. I share in her joy. Just because I no longer have a father doesn’t mean I lack a parent. I have a different kind of parent—one who is transgender.
Celebrating my transgender parent during conventional holidays like Father’s Day can be a challenge. It doesn’t feel appropriate to honor her on Father’s Day, as she no longer identifies with that title, nor on Mother’s Day, as she doesn’t wish to be called “mother.”
In my search for a solution, I discovered Trans Parent Day, which takes place on the first Sunday of November. This is a lovely initiative aimed at honoring transgender parents, similar to how we celebrate on Father’s and Mother’s Days. Unfortunately, this holiday has yet to gain recognition from major retailers (maybe it’s time to start a petition!).
So on November 2nd, and throughout the entire year, I’ll be celebrating Josephine and her significance in my life. Regardless of her physical transformation, she will always remain my parent—a reality worthy of celebration.
Resources for Understanding
If you’re looking to understand more about home insemination, I recommend checking out this excellent resource on infertility. And for those interested in at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom is a reputable online retailer that offers a variety of options. You can also explore more about personal experiences and insights related to this topic on our other blog post.
Conclusion
In summary, while my relationship with my parent has changed, the love and respect remain ever-present. Celebrating Josephine is what matters most, and her journey has only deepened my understanding of identity and acceptance.
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