I vividly recall the last time I lost it. My kids and I had just come home from school. “Head to your rooms,” I commanded, my voice sounding harsher than I intended. “Now!”
The tears and protests were immediate. I threw my hands up in frustration, and before I knew it, I was yelling, my anger catching me off guard. “I don’t want to hear it! Don’t even look at me. Just go.”
You might think this paints me as some kind of heartless monster, but let me clarify: I’m actually a nice person. If you bumped into me at the grocery store, I’d probably smile and let you cut in line. I’ve always had a distaste for conflict and confrontation. So, when my kids misbehave, I usually opt to let things slide.
However, this approach has its downsides. The anger, frustration, and all those messy emotions I choose to bottle up don’t just vanish. They simmer beneath the surface, fueled by the typical chaos of parenting—endless bickering, whining, and the Play-Doh that mysteriously embeds itself into the carpet. Eventually, they build up, weighing on my chest, until I can no longer keep it together and I explode.
That’s exactly what happened that day when I transformed into the Angry, Mean Mama. The morning had been a disaster; my daughters were bickering so much that they nearly missed the bus. On the ride home, we managed a brief lull of peace for approximately 47 seconds before my oldest did something to annoy her sister, which led to a high-pitched shriek that felt like nails on a chalkboard. My headache was escalating, and I thought, enough is enough.
After sending the kids to their rooms, I paced around the kitchen, waiting for my partner, Mark, to come home from work. The moment he walked through the door, I blurted out, “I just can’t handle them right now.”
I hopped into my car and drove around aimlessly, pulling into a parking lot where I sat with the engine idling, fuming and flipping the radio on and off, tears welling up in my eyes. As the sky darkened, my breathing steadied, and the weight on my chest began to lift. Finally, I returned home.
When I walked back into the kitchen, my daughters rushed toward me, offering hugs and apologies, with a card in hand. “Dear Mama,” it read, “we’re sorry we were notty.”
The remnants of Angry, Mean Mama melted away as I read those words. I apologized for yelling and explained why their fighting upset me so much: it saddened me to see them argue because I know how much they love each other. We discussed the importance of respecting one another’s feelings and personal space. They promised to improve, and I believed them—at least for a little while. Then we moved on.
Do I think it would be better to worry less about being nice and be more assertive with my kids? To express my frustrations more regularly so those emotions don’t build up and result in an adult-sized tantrum? Absolutely. And I’m working on it.
But I also believe there is no single right way to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood. Each day, we are all doing our best to balance maintaining peace while keeping our sanity intact. I once thought there were perfect moms out there who had everything under control, effortlessly teaching their kids discipline and respect without ever losing their cool. Now I know better. A mom who is calm and composed all the time is just as mythical as unicorns and partners who always pick up their socks.
Whether you experience a meltdown daily or just once a year, rest assured, you’re not a monster. Sometimes these episodes are necessary. They help us return to a place of calm, where we can breathe and acknowledge our needs and feelings. They show our children that we’re not infallible, that their conflicts can deeply affect others, and that adults also grapple with intense emotions. If we’re open to it, the aftermath of a meltdown can serve as a valuable opportunity to reconnect with our loved ones and reinforce how we all wish to be treated.
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Summary:
Having a mom meltdown is a normal part of parenting. Emotions can build up from daily stresses, and sometimes it takes a good blow-up to reset. It’s essential to communicate with our kids about feelings and conflict. While navigating motherhood isn’t easy, meltdowns can be a natural part of the process, reminding us all that we’re human.