It was a solitary little toothbrush left behind that broke me. Here I am, in a parking lot, tears streaming down my face. He was with me for just two and a half weeks, yet those days were packed with joy—his laughter, sleeping soundly instead of waking up terrified, and swinging for hours on the playground. He called me “Mama,” and I made sure he knew that whenever I said I’d come back, I meant it. I did my utmost to prepare him for his new family, but now it’s nap time, and his new mom tells me he’s missing me. I sent her a picture of us together, hoping it might offer some comfort and help him drift off peacefully.
When it comes to my experience as a foster parent, the most common refrain I hear is, “I could never do foster care; I’d get too attached.” Well, guess what? I totally get it. I got attached. I was the only one who could soothe him to sleep or knew his favorite jam for toast. I helped him through the rough moments and felt frustration when he knocked over Christmas ornaments. I found myself watching him sleep, my heart swelling with affection.
To those who fear that attachment will hurt too much, let me assure you: I get attached every single time. I often wonder where those kids are now. They pop into my dreams, leaving me waking up with tears on my face. It can hurt so deeply that I struggle to catch my breath. But you know what? More than anything, I’d choose to let those sweet souls experience my love rather than never knowing it at all. I’d willingly carry their pain in my own heart if it meant lightening their load. I can handle it. They shouldn’t have to.
It’s simply unacceptable for an eight-year-old who witnessed such trauma to miss out on the love of a stranger willing to care for them like their own. It’s downright heartbreaking for a two-year-old to remain in a social worker’s office for days in dirty clothes simply because I might get too attached. I’ve gotten attached, and I will continue to do so. In fact, forming those bonds has been the most rewarding and humbling experience of my life. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
If you’re curious about the journey to parenthood, check out this insightful piece on home insemination or learn from leading experts at Make A Mom. For more information about fertility and family planning, tune into this excellent resource from the Cleveland Clinic.
In summary, fostering is about love, attachment, and the honor of caring for children who need it most. Yes, it can hurt to say goodbye, but the joy of loving each child outweighs the pain of parting.