“Marriage isn’t just a word; it’s an action. It’s not something you possess; it’s something you do daily through love.” – Barbara de Angelis
Recently, my partner, Kyle, and I enjoyed a blissful, kid-free weekend. We hit up a concert, indulged in delicious meals, wandered the streets chatting for hours, and crashed at a chic hotel. It was nothing short of amazing. Yet, just three days later, I found myself staring at Kyle with wide eyes, exclaiming, “I think we’re drifting apart!” He nodded knowingly and said, “Yeah, I sensed the rut too.”
Running a business with your spouse can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword. The danger lies in the slow, almost imperceptible drift, like the tide quietly receding. When you see each other all the time, it’s easy to forget to prioritize quality time together. While we might be side by side, errands and work often take precedence over meaningful conversations about us.
Whenever I feel that ominous rut looming, I hit the panic button. I voice my concerns right away because I refuse to let distance creep in unnoticed. Who wants to live like two roommates, coexisting yet not truly connecting? The scary part is that we can be busy and productive—juggling household chores, whipping up healthy meals, raising kids, and advancing our careers—even while stuck in a rut.
Sometimes we need to establish firm boundaries with work and technology. Sure, we can have a productive business planning session, but then it’s crucial to put the kids to bed early and enjoy a tech-free dinner followed by an indie film.
We also found it essential to carve out our personal space. Our kids know to knock before entering our bedroom. We made the decision to dedicate one room in our house solely to us—a little sanctuary. And let’s not forget about fun! Not long ago, we decided to reconnect by jumping on a trampoline together for half an hour, laughing uncontrollably. Simple activities like a quiet meal, a tech-free coffee chat, a stroll, or even a workout can help us break free from the monotony.
As I strive to redirect my focus in various aspects of life, I also channel my energy during our time together. Setting boundaries has become increasingly vital. Both Kyle and I need to be seen as individuals with our own interests and perspectives—not just as business partners. After all, we’re human beings, not just human doings.
Maintaining a healthy marriage is a balancing act that requires intentional effort. I firmly believe that successful marriages don’t just happen; they require ongoing attention and fine-tuning. We must avoid going on autopilot and seize every opportunity to be truly present with each other.
After I raised the alarm about our rut, Kyle and I took the kids to the pool and spent a couple of hours discussing what was going on between us. We explored potential causes and brainstormed ways to improve our connection. Some of my behaviors surprised both of us, and through open communication, we really listened to each other. Those moments of genuine dialogue are what I cherish most about our partnership. After 15 years together, we know that ruts can happen to anyone. If we succeed in business and raising happy kids but neglect our relationship—the very foundation of our dreams—we’ve missed the point entirely.
Staying aware of our marriage’s pulse is crucial, and it’s our responsibility to keep those ruts at bay.
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Summary:
Reviving a marriage requires intentional effort and open communication. Couples can easily fall into a routine of productivity while neglecting their emotional connection. Setting boundaries with work, carving out personal space, and engaging in fun activities are essential to keeping the relationship vibrant. By checking in regularly and addressing concerns, partners can strengthen their bond and avoid drifting apart.