Motherhood can feel like a whirlwind of emotions, a chaotic blend of joy, love, frustration, and anxiety that sometimes resembles a Jackson Pollock masterpiece—beautiful yet utterly perplexing.
Beyond the emotional turmoil, there’s an instinctual side to being a mom that can leave us feeling like we’re on high alert. Our inner “Mama Bear” kicks in, driving us to fiercely protect our little ones. This intense emotional surge—filled with protectiveness, fear, and frustration—can take over in an instant. Suddenly, we’re ready to confront any perceived threat against our child, eyes blazing and adrenaline pumping. We become the ultimate Mama Bear, ready to defend our cubs at all costs.
I first experienced the full force of my Mama Bear instincts when I witnessed another parent chastising my daughter for a minor incident on the school playground. Sure, she might have been at fault, but in that moment, all I could see was red. I couldn’t think logically; all I felt was rage. Who was this woman to reprimand my child? How dare she assume she knew the whole story?
That protectiveness quickly morphed into embarrassment and frustration as I reflected on my daughter’s actions. I spiraled into thoughts that I must be failing as a parent and that perhaps my daughter was destined to become “that kid.” I wanted to swoop in and resolve the situation—not just fix it, but erase it entirely. But who would I even be attacking? Mama Bear often acts irrationally, and sometimes needs a dose of reality.
There may be a biological or evolutionary basis for our fierce protective instincts as parents. However, these Mama Bear feelings seem to surge even more in today’s world of helicopter parenting and social media scrutiny. Parents feel justified in calling out misbehavior, no matter how trivial, under the guise of looking out for their little ones. “I’m just trying to protect my child,” they say.
But let’s be real. That doesn’t give anyone the right to be rude, especially towards someone else’s kid. Sometimes, our protective instincts can lead us down a rabbit hole of delusion.
Here’s the truth: all kids can be a little obnoxious at times. They’re kids! They mess up. Mine do it, and so do yours. It’s part of growing up. And guess what? We mess up too.
So what if, instead of immediately going into Mama Bear mode, we allowed ourselves to take a step back? What if we encouraged our kids to advocate for themselves? Instead of assuming other kids are the problem, let’s consider the possibility that our perfect little angels might have played a role in the situation as well. What if we realized that conflict is a part of growing up and learned to handle it with a little more grace?
Five years ago, I let my Mama Bear instincts run wild when I saw that mom scolding my daughter. I was furious with her and frustrated with my daughter for her behavior. But she was just a kid—learning, apologizing, and growing from the experience.
While the Mama Bear instinct is natural, it doesn’t always yield the best results. So take a deep breath and relax, Mama Bears. The kids will be just fine.
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Summary
Motherhood is a complex emotional journey. Our instinct to protect our children, often referred to as the Mama Bear instinct, can sometimes lead us to overreact in situations where we need to take a step back. Recognizing that children will make mistakes—and learning to respond with empathy and understanding—can help us foster their growth and resilience.