Hooray! The 2016 GOOP Holiday Gift Guide is back in action! Yes, it’s that delightful season again when Gwyneth Paltrow serves up a smorgasbord of extravagant gifts that’ll make you chuckle, shed a tear, and feel rather impoverished. It’s become a cherished holiday ritual!
Every year, Gwyneth curates a collection of ludicrously overpriced items that the average person can only dream about, and once again, the internet is ready to roast her for being so out of touch. This time, she’s dubbed the jaw-droppingly pricey section “The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide,” which really means “LOOK AT HOW FANCY SOME OF US ARE.”
And oh, she’s really outdone herself this time. Let’s dive into this amusing spectacle together, shall we?
Leather Bicycle, $2,995
“Get ready to saddle up.” See what she did there? Sort of? This $3000 bike is made of leather, just like the saddles—good luck affording it, though, so GOOP clearly doesn’t mind if you don’t get the joke.
Sublimotion Dining Experience, Price Unknown
We tried to snag a reservation to uncover what this is and how much it costs, but the server must have recognized our IP address as “tediously middle class” and refused to let us book, translate the page, or even connect with the server. Sublimotion isn’t even a real word, but sublimation is, meaning “raised to a higher status.” Ha! So fitting.
Vintage Limoges Banana Box, $395
Too bad—it’s sold out.
Custom Pet Pendant, $6,850
You can dress up your furry friend, commission their portrait, and then splurge on this custom necklace. Or you could just light a pile of cash on fire and cackle like a madperson. Your call.
Microsoft Hololens Development Kit, $3,000
“The HPU makes light work of processing large amounts of data per second. All those components enable you to move freely and interact with holograms.” Um… yeah, we’re lost.
Groovyyurts Super Ger 20′ Yurt, $8,300
Why bother with a tent when you can invest in a yurt? “Glamping doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Gwyneth exclaims.
Toothpaste, $120
Great news—we can actually afford this one! Bad news? It’s just toothpaste. Gwyneth pokes fun at herself here, cheekily captioning it, “To pair with last year’s posh toothpaste squeezer,” which seemed like a steal at $100 more than this minty luxury. Oh, Gwyneth, you never cease to amuse.
This article was originally published on November 29, 2016.
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In summary, the 2016 Goop Holiday Gift Guide is a humorous showcase of ludicrously expensive gifts that will either leave you in stitches or shaking your head in disbelief.