I often find myself pulling a fast one on my kiddos, all in the name of being a good role model. I’ll preach about the wonders of a nutritious breakfast while secretly devouring three decadent chocolate chip cookies as soon as the bus departs. I’ll scold them for not sharing, only to sneak snacks so I can indulge alone. And let’s not even get started on my late-night Netflix binges, despite telling them how crucial sleep is.
My behaviors aren’t always the shining examples I hope they’ll emulate. However, there’s one thing I make a concerted effort to demonstrate: my love for their dad. After all, there’s a good chance my kids will find themselves in relationships someday, and while I’m guiding them through the basics of life—like dental hygiene and dining etiquette—I want to instill in them the importance of loving and valuing their partners. Their overall happiness will hinge on it.
We all understand how a relationship can influence our daily mood. An unhappy partnership can create a domino effect, impacting everything from self-esteem to job performance. If I can model a healthy relationship now, before they step into the dating scene, I’m giving them a leg up for future success.
It’s not the grand romantic gestures that count the most. Sure, it’s charming when their dad surprises me with flowers or a box of chocolates (and it has been a while… just saying). What I really want them to observe are the small, everyday acts of kindness that we show each other.
For instance, my husband leaves for work at the crack of dawn and often skips breakfast to avoid waking anyone. So, nearly every night, I whip up a fruit smoothie and pop it in the freezer for him to grab in the morning. My kids see this ritual, and I make sure to explain my reasoning: I want to ensure Dad starts his day with a healthy breakfast.
When he sends me a sweet “I love you” text, I share it with the kids, highlighting how it brightens my day. “Look how thoughtful Dad is for bringing takeout home because he knows I’ve been swamped!” I’ll exclaim when he shows up with an armful of Chinese food on nights when I can’t fathom cooking.
Sometimes, I even enlist the kids’ help: “What can we do today to lend a hand to Dad?” Just as arguing in front of our children leaves an imprint, so does displaying love. It may be subtle, but it certainly leaves a lasting mark, teaching them that relationships require ongoing effort and that considering your partner’s needs is crucial and rewarding.
They might roll their eyes at my “mushy” displays of affection now, but I believe that when it’s time for them to be in a relationship, they will unconsciously draw from their experiences of watching us. Until then, they’ll understand that our relationship—the very backbone of our home—is solid and worth nurturing at every opportunity.
I’m not claiming my husband and I are perfect or always attuned to each other’s needs. We’re human, and like every couple, we have our share of selfish moments and disagreements. But we continually strive to return to a place of care and kindness, because at the end of the day, the most invaluable gift we can give our children is the assurance that their parents love one another and the skills to cultivate that love when it’s their turn.
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In summary, modeling a healthy relationship for our kids is crucial. It prepares them for future partnerships and reinforces the values of love and consideration. By demonstrating affection through simple daily gestures, we help them understand the importance of nurturing relationships.