I had heard all the arguments against compelling kids to tackle their homework, alongside research suggesting homework is pretty pointless, particularly in elementary school. I came across articles that criticized parents who do their children’s assignments for them, but I can honestly say I never fell into that category. (Seriously, how would a parent even manage that? I can’t even decipher first-grade Common Core math!)
Despite that, I definitely hovered and nagged. During those early elementary years, the hours from 3 to 6 p.m. turned into a battleground where I’d beg and plead with my son to just sit down and do his darn homework. Dinner and dessert were on hold until he completed it. So was TV. We always allowed him time after school to unwind, but at some point, I’d insist he buckle down and get to work.
He would eventually finish his homework, usually in about 15 minutes, but the hours spent coaxing him to get started were shockingly disproportionate to the actual time spent on the work itself. And I didn’t even believe that homework had any real benefits!
So, when fourth grade rolled around, I decided to switch up my approach. I would still check in to see if he had homework and offer assistance if needed, but ultimately, I’d let him take charge of getting it done.
To my surprise, the outcome has been nothing short of fantastic. At first, it was a bit chaotic. He’d remember to do his homework while lying in bed, which disrupted bedtime (and, trust me, I need that hour of peace!). Other times, he’d wake up in the morning realizing he forgot, and then I’d hear him blame me for not reminding him.
“It’s not my responsibility, buddy,” I’d reply, gently reminding him how much he disliked my nagging before. Fast forward a few months, and something remarkable happened. He started doing his homework voluntarily — without me even asking — most of the time. Sure, I still give him the occasional nudge, and there are times he slips up, but he generally manages to get it done.
And here’s the kicker: I’ve noticed that he’s become more motivated about his schoolwork than ever. He’s eager to perform well on assignments and even asks me to help him study. Just last weekend, he insisted we dedicate four hours to preparing for the school-wide spelling bee!
Now, I understand my son has a competitive edge and generally enjoys school, so I can’t promise this method will work for every child. However, allowing him to take responsibility for his homework seems like the best way for him to learn academic discipline in the long run. After all, we won’t be there every step of the way in their academic journey—or life, for that matter.
There’s a bigger lesson here too: hovering can be stifling. As parents, we naturally want our kids to succeed (and, let’s be honest, their achievements can boost our own egos). But stepping back and letting them make mistakes is crucial. It teaches them that the drive for success must come from within, not to please anyone else.
So, it’s time to stop being the homework police. Let go of the nagging and hovering. It might feel daunting at first—trust me, your child will mess up—but ultimately, allowing them to take charge will save everyone a lot of hassle and set your child up for future success.
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Summary:
After years of nagging my son about homework, I decided to step back and let him take responsibility for it. Although it was a rough start, he eventually began doing his homework voluntarily and has shown more motivation and independence in his schoolwork. This experience taught me the importance of allowing children to learn from their mistakes and take ownership of their academic responsibilities.