When I was around 10 years old, my brother made an appearance on the local news. We had both attended a community event that garnered some media attention, and they decided to feature him in their segment. That evening, as our family gathered to watch the news, everyone erupted with excitement. Everyone, that is, except me. I sulked in another room, feeling sorry for myself.
Why was he getting all the spotlight? Why couldn’t I be the one on TV? Was I not good enough?
After a while, my parents found me moping. Once they realized what was bothering me, they offered some sympathy—but only for a moment. Then they told me to stop being so self-absorbed and to celebrate my brother’s achievement. We were a family, after all. His fleeting moment of fame (and I use the term “fame” very loosely since it was local news in a small Wisconsin town) didn’t diminish my worth or abilities.
I wish I could say their sage advice turned my feelings around and that I never encountered jealousy again, but that would be a tall tale. Just recently, I spotted another mom at school sporting the most fabulous, figure-flattering leggings I’ve ever seen. I envied her effortless chic look while I was stuck in my old sweatpants and a messy bun. Honestly, I even envied her toned physique.
As time passes, one thing that seems to grow is the “I don’t care” attitude. I feel less pressure to fit in with the “cool crowd.” Most days, I feel pretty confident in my own skin, and I might even say that there are moments I see myself as a stunning badass. But let’s be real: claiming that this “IDGAF” mindset is all-consuming and that I never experience self-doubt or envy would be a lie. Self-doubt is part of the human experience, and anyone who claims they’ve never felt a twinge of jealousy is likely just avoiding the truth. We all grapple with these feelings from time to time—even the most striking badasses among us.
I find myself in a constant state of “working on it.” I’m getting better at managing those prickly feelings of jealousy, but there’s still a lot of room for growth. One key lesson I’ve learned is that ignoring or suppressing these feelings only amplifies them. Instead of washing away the envy, I end up cooking a big ol’ pot of jealousy stew with a side of anger and shame. Acknowledging my feelings is the first step toward overcoming them.
Recently, I watched a video featuring Sarah Kingston, who candidly discussed feeling envious of a friend who snagged a gig she was also after. It was refreshing to realize that self-doubt and envy can hit even the most successful, stunning badasses, making me feel less guilty about envying that mom’s leggings or my friend’s social popularity.
Admitting you feel jealousy is one thing; acting on it is an entirely different beast. Sarah suggests sharing your feelings with someone, but emphasizes that you should never act on them negatively. “I never dim someone else’s light to make mine shine brighter,” she advises. In simpler terms: don’t be a jerk.
As cliché as it sounds, a sprinkle of gratitude and kindness can work wonders. We’ve all heard someone say, “Count your blessings” when we’re feeling low—words that sometimes make me want to reply with a sarcastic gesture. But, annoying as it may be, it’s solid advice. Taking stock of the positives in my life while whipping up cookies for my family helps pull me out of my funk. Seriously, doing something kind for others often lifts me from my self-pity, and hey, who doesn’t appreciate compliments on their awesome cookie-baking skills? Plus, cookies are like delicious hugs.
Interestingly, once I navigate through the muck of self-doubt and envy, there’s often a lesson hidden in the mess if I flip the negativity into something constructive. If I compliment that stylish mom at school, I might learn where the trendy moms shop (spoiler: they’re probably rocking LuLaRoe). And if I evaluate a colleague’s success, I might find the motivation I need to up my own game.
And when all else fails, I channel my inner Stuart Smalley and give myself some motivational pep talks. As cheesy as it sounds, we are all remarkable in our unique ways, and there’s more than enough goodness to share. We’re all in this together. As Sarah reminds us, “There’s always a place for you because no one is exactly like you.”
In other words, you are a stunning badass—never forget it!
Summary
Even the most confident individuals experience self-doubt and envy from time to time. Acknowledging these feelings rather than suppressing them is crucial for personal growth. With a sprinkle of gratitude and kindness, we can navigate through jealousy and emerge stronger. After all, we are all unique and valuable in our own right.