When people ask me, “How’s it going?” regarding my journey into motherhood, it often feels like they’re expecting a simple, cheerful response rather than the real deal. Much like those casual street encounters, this question doesn’t typically invite honesty. As new moms, we’re expected to beam with pride, glance lovingly at our little ones, and respond, “It’s absolutely amazing!” before diving back into our whirlwind of chaotic days.
Trust me, I’ve attempted to share the truth. I’ve said things like, “It’s not as overwhelming as I expected,” (I was really scared my life would end). I’ve expressed that “it’s definitely challenging, I’m always tired, but he’s a pretty good baby.” (Most of the time, anyway.) I’ve even confessed that “the lack of free time can be a bit disheartening.” (That’s hard to argue against, right?) Yet, these candid remarks often result in raised eyebrows or concerned glances, as if I should seek professional help or consider relinquishing my child to social services.
But let’s keep it real. Parenting, especially with a newborn, is no walk in the park. It’s filled with joy—exciting, heartwarming, miraculous moments—but that doesn’t negate the sheer effort required to keep a tiny human alive. Remember when we thought we were busy and stressed in college? Oh, how naïve we were!
Now that my little one is nearing a year old (and I’m expecting baby number two—guess I didn’t think it was that unbearable), I’ve realized we moms have to prioritize our own lives too. Sure, we need time to recover and bond with our babies, but once the fog starts to lift and we’re no longer sleep-deprived zombies, carving out time for ourselves becomes essential. And yes, it’s totally achievable—even for someone like me who moved halfway across the globe, leaving behind family and built-in babysitters.
Here’s how to reclaim your sense of self:
1. Seek Support:
Start with your partner. Who cares if they’re busy with work or gaming? Parenting is a team sport, and you need a breather to thrive as a mom and primary caregiver. Try to arrange a few hours each week dedicated to doing whatever you want—even if it’s just lounging on the couch in your pajamas.
2. Keep Pursuing Your Passions:
Were you an avid runner, painter, or baker before baby? Once you’re ready (and after getting a thumbs up from your doctor for activities like running), jump back in! I lace up my sneakers when the baby naps or take him along in the jogging stroller. I love writing, but I can’t churn out articles like I used to, so I journal daily. Find something you adored before motherhood and incorporate it into your new routine, even if it’s on a smaller scale.
3. Catch Some Z’s:
I know, it sounds impossible, right? But sleep is essential—especially for moms. Your baby may sleep anywhere from 11 to 18 hours a day, even if it’s not all at once. If you’re on maternity leave or at home, take at least one nap when the baby sleeps. If you feel overwhelmed by chores, hit the hay early. And don’t hesitate to ask your partner to handle nighttime duties on weekends or to recruit family or friends for extra help. New moms often hesitate to ask for assistance, fearing they’ll be labeled as “lazy.” Embrace any opportunity for rest—your baby depends on you!
4. Step Outside:
Taking your new baby into the outside world can feel daunting. After having my son at home, I was terrified to venture out. But being cooped up took a toll on my mental health. Finally, when I took a stroll around the neighborhood, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was empowering to realize I could navigate the world with my baby in tow.
5. Don’t Let Motherhood Stifle Your Dreams:
This is crucial. Society often suggests that mothers should pause their lives and put their aspirations on hold. While it’s understandable, motherhood isn’t an end—it’s more of a speed bump. Yes, you’ll need to slow down for a bit, but your dreams are still valid. We don’t expect dads to abandon their careers because they became parents, right? If you want to go back to school, start a new job, or continue pursuing your goals, you absolutely can.
I’m now a mother of a soon-to-be toddler and expecting another baby. When I mentioned my interest in law school, friends bombarded me with questions about the “babies.” Yet, when my husband decided to pursue his MBA while working full-time, no one batted an eyelash. So, I brushed off the irrelevant concerns, focused on what mattered (childcare, loans, etc.), and I’m gearing up to apply to law school next year.
Motherhood is undeniably challenging. Even the strongest among us need time to adjust, rest, and breathe. But believe me, it’s possible to have it all. It will require sacrifices from the entire family and some financial adjustments, but it can be done.
If you’re currently in the thick of sleepless nights and wondering how to squeeze in a shower this week, remember: this phase is temporary. It will pass, even if some days feel like a tear-stained blur. When it does, don’t forget about your dreams and aspirations. Remember that you are now a role model, inspiring the little one who will look to you for guidance in chasing their own dreams.
For more insights on this journey, check out our post on privacy and support options here. And for couples navigating their fertility journey, check out Make a Mom—an authority on the topic. You can also learn more about various fertility treatments, including IVF, which can be a great resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Transitioning into motherhood is a tough yet rewarding journey. While it’s essential to bond with your newborn, it’s equally important to take time for yourself. Seek help, maintain your passions, prioritize sleep, step outside, and don’t let motherhood deter you from your dreams. Remember, this phase is temporary, and you deserve to pursue your aspirations while being an excellent role model for your child.