Early in our marriage, my partner and I made a joint decision: one of us would stay home to raise our kids in their formative years. I took on the role of primary caregiver, managing everything from childcare and activities to laundry and grocery shopping, while my husband became the main provider, ensuring I didn’t overdraft my account during those grocery runs. Our reasons for adopting this classic, almost cliché family setup are personal and varied. And believe me, I recognize the privilege of even having this choice.
While our decision has its pros and cons, and it represents just one of many ways to raise a family, this somewhat lopsided arrangement has generally worked for us. However, it wasn’t without its challenges. For years, I was knee-deep in spit-up, dirty diapers, and endless tears. There were stretches when I couldn’t even sneak in a bathroom break or sit down for lunch. My law degree sat untouched, gathering dust, while my career languished in a pile of laundry.
On the flip side, my husband faced the pressure of being our family’s financial backbone. Climbing the ladder at a law firm during a recession, he lost many nights to stress and worry about providing for us. Achieving balance, whatever that means, felt utterly impossible.
Now that our kids are in school, a semblance of balance has started to seep into our lives. I’ve taken on a part-time remote job and manage to meet up with friends occasionally—though grocery shopping and laundry still mostly fall to me. My husband still works long hours, but he has a bit more flexibility now. He organizes regular Dad’s Days with our sons while I’m off with friends or at work, and he sometimes manages to sneak away during the week to take the boys to school or catch a baseball game. My part-time gig has slightly eased the financial load he carried for so long.
Still, even with these hints of balance—which tend to skew in my favor—our lives often feel out of whack. Most days tilt heavily toward one responsibility or another, and we feel the strain of this unstable dynamic daily.
The real kicker is the unrealistic expectation that life should somehow be more balanced and that we’re failing if it’s not. Whether you follow a traditional setup like ours, share responsibilities equally, or manage everything solo (hats off to you!), we all experience moments of imbalance. Life can be chaotic, busy, and sometimes downright overwhelming. A good friend summed it up perfectly: “My life feels like a series of lists filled with unchecked boxes.”
It’s easy to feel lost in this whirlwind, thinking we need more balance. Work-life balance, that elusive goal. But let’s be real: balance is a myth. It’s an ideal that can drive us a bit crazy.
Sure, it would be amazing if we could master the art of juggling responsibilities and check off every item on our to-do lists. But much of the time, that’s just not feasible. Balance is a concept that embodies perfection, and perfection doesn’t exist. So, let’s call it like it is: balance is nonsense.
I can’t help but wonder if our relentless pursuit of balance is just another way of pressuring ourselves to do and be everything. In our quest for that mythical balance, we forget that life has its seasons. It unfolds in fits and starts, with ebbs and flows. Careers take off while we’re raising kids, friendships shift from convenient to crucial, and there are phases filled with growth, challenges, and transitions.
We experience seasons of nurturing, harvesting, and resting, each with its own joys and struggles. Some times are blessed with a semblance of balance—whatever that means. There are days or even months when everything aligns: work, personal time, and relationships feel harmonious. But those moments are fleeting. The norm is often chaotic, filled with tantrums, work obligations, and long to-do lists.
And yes, there are days filled with laughter, wine, and the bliss of friendship. We sometimes grasp that elusive balance. But in reality, balance can only be achieved with a broader perspective; it cannot be forced or micromanaged. Society bombards us with messages about achieving balance, making us feel like we’re falling short if we can’t do it all.
This pressure just adds to our feelings of inadequacy and the sense of failure when life doesn’t fit neatly into a box. Life is unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes overwhelming, especially with little ones in tow. But it’s also incredibly beautiful and rich. We don’t always control the tides; we have to ride the waves, embracing the chaos while understanding that, like a small cracked seashell, balance may be hiding beneath the surface.
If that doesn’t resonate, just remember: balance is nonsense.
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Summary
The pursuit of balance in parenting and life is often more myth than reality. While some moments may feel harmonious, the chaos of daily responsibilities can make achieving balance seem impossible. We must remember that life is inherently seasonal, with its ups and downs, and embrace the beauty and unpredictability of our experiences. Balance is not a constant; it’s a fleeting ideal.