“Excuse me, can I please have a venti caramel macchiato with skim milk, an extra shot, extra hot, extra whipped cream, and sugar-free syrup? Thank you!”
That was the overly dramatic woman in front of me at the coffee shop, while I simply ordered two kiddie hot chocolates with a generous helping of whipped cream. I made sure to do it with a smile, wishing the cheerful barista a great day. Fast forward five minutes, and I found myself snapping at my kids over who had more whipped cream. It’s funny how we save our best behavior for strangers, yet feel free to unleash our frustrations on those we love most.
Why Do We Reserve Kindness for Strangers?
Why is it that when we’re having a rough day, we often reserve our kindness for the outside world? Shouldn’t our children receive our warmth instead? We know the answers, don’t we? We tend to vent our frustrations on those closest to us because they’re our safe space. It’s a familiar cycle, but it’s time to break it—especially when it comes to parenting.
I’m not advocating for yelling at everyone else when I’m feeling cranky, but that cashier at Target can handle a brief moment of my bad mood without it affecting her day. On the flip side, every word we say to our kids leaves a lasting impression. I still remember the time my daughter reminded me, “I can’t believe I have a mom who would talk to me like that,” after I lost my patience over her outfit choices. Kids remember everything!
Giving Our Best to Our Children
If you’re stressed and only have a bit of love to give each day, that energy belongs to your children, not a random stranger. I had a reality check recently when I saw an art project my daughter made. It had a circle sectioned off for different people in her life, and each section was colored to represent her feelings. My part had lots of joy, but there was also some purple—her color for “afraid.” I was taken aback.
I don’t believe in instilling fear in my kids. I want to be their safe haven, not a source of anxiety. When I asked her what scared her, she said it was when I yelled. I could have justified my behavior—“I only raise my voice after asking you five times to put your shoes on!”—but the fact remains, I don’t want her feeling fearful. While I know I won’t achieve perfect calmness overnight, I’m committed to improving my reactions.
Mindfulness in Parenting
I also need to be mindful of how I respond in those moments when I’m feeling overwhelmed—like when my kids ask to play a game while I’m stressed about a deadline. It’s crucial that I keep my frustrations away from them. Whether that means putting on a stern face while running errands or finding a quiet moment to regroup, I want to give my best self, even on my not-so-great days.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s essential to remember that our children deserve our best selves, especially on our most challenging days. By being mindful of how we express our emotions around them, we can create a nurturing environment where they feel safe and loved.