Recently, I scrolled through Facebook and was met with a shocking image: a woman’s face mostly covered in bandages, her cheeks and eyes bruised and swollen. This woman, a member of a small online writers’ group I belong to, shared her painful experience in that private space because it was the only safe haven she had.
Her ex-partner, whom she had left due to his abusive behavior, had broken into her home just days prior and assaulted her. Like countless other women, she had been viciously attacked by someone who was supposed to love and protect her. Her story was horrifying, yet sadly, not uncommon.
I’ve never faced violence from a partner, nor have I ever felt fear in a close relationship. I can’t fathom the confusion, fear, and unjust shame that survivors of abuse endure. I can’t offer solidarity from a shared experience, nor do I wish to. But that doesn’t mean I can’t lend a hand.
The image of that woman compelled me to explore stories of domestic abuse survivors. I encountered numerous accounts of women hiding their bruises, rationalizing abusive behavior, and genuinely worrying that their loved ones might take their lives in the next moment of rage. I read about partners who twisted the narrative to make it seem like their wives or girlfriends provoked the violence, only to apologize profusely and promise it wouldn’t happen again.
I focused on understanding the experiences of the abused rather than the abuser. I know that many women find themselves in these predicaments unknowingly. Abuse often develops gradually, and it’s not as simple as saying, “If someone hits me, I’m out.” I recognize that intelligent, strong women can remain in unhealthy, unsafe environments for years without a clear way out. I also understand that violence can manifest through words as much as actions.
The Statistics
The statistics on domestic violence are staggering. One in four women in the United States will experience severe violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. That equates to a significant number of women we know who may be in or have been in abusive relationships, often without us realizing it. If only I could erase those numbers with a snap of my fingers, but I can’t.
Offering Support
What I can do is provide support to women trapped in damaging relationships. I can be a refuge—a safe place for those feeling lost in a tumultuous sea of fear, shame, blame, and anger. I will believe you when you express your fears or feelings of unsafety. I will remind you—time and again if necessary—that it’s not your fault, that the blame he places on you is nonsense, and that nothing you did justifies his actions. I’ll help you find the resources you need.
I will be both a physical and emotional sanctuary. I won’t question why you stayed or why you took so long to seek help. I know that emotional manipulation is a key part of both verbal and physical abuse, and asking those questions will only amplify any sense of guilt you might feel. I won’t question why he lost his temper, as I understand that you’ve pondered that countless times without finding a logical reason. I won’t ask how you can love someone who hurts you; love often defies logic.
However, I will assert that someone who truly loves you should never inflict harm. You don’t deserve to have your body or heart violated. I’ll be your bridge to the authorities and hold your hand through that daunting process, providing you with the strength and support you need.
You Are Not Alone
I will believe in you and your story.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you don’t feel completely safe, please reach out to someone—be it a friend, a stranger, or me. Don’t worry that those of us who haven’t experienced your situation won’t understand; we can still lend support. Don’t feel ashamed for being part of that 25%. You are not alone.
Those aren’t just empty words. It’s a fact: You are not alone.
My writer friend shared her experience here anonymously to encourage others who may relate to seek help. If you need to confide in someone, do so. If the first person you approach can’t help, keep trying until you find someone who can help you reclaim your safety. If you need a discreet escape, check out www.domesticshelters.org. You don’t have to remain with an abusive partner; you owe them nothing, and you shouldn’t endure this. There’s no judgment here—just support and understanding.
So please, tell me. Tell someone. You are not alone. You can overcome this.
Summary
This article discusses the importance of speaking up about abusive relationships and offers support to those in such situations. It emphasizes that victims should not feel ashamed or alone, providing resources for help and encouraging them to seek assistance.