Recently, I found myself chatting with some friends who are getting ready to send their high school seniors off to college. Our conversation ranged from the dreaded empty nest syndrome to the stress of choosing a major and the daunting costs of higher education. As someone who still has a few years before my oldest heads off to college, these discussions have been enlightening.
One friend mentioned her child is heading to college as an undecided major, which made me raise an eyebrow. When I was 18, the thought of telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out while lounging in my cozy dorm,” was unfathomable. Sure, I always dreamed of being a nurse, which simplified my decision, but I was also aware my parents had two more kids to put through college. I was determined to finish my degree on time because I understood the financial strain involved.
As I prepare for the emotional rollercoaster of dropping my son off at his dorm, I’ve also come to grips with just how much money it will take to help him earn that degree. And let’s not forget, our daughter will be following a few years later. We could easily buy a shiny Tesla every year for eight years instead of funding two college degrees. While the Teslas are tempting, I’m what they call a responsible adult, so education it is!
My partner and I opened college savings accounts as soon as our kids took their first breaths. We made a pact early on to cover their college costs, just as our families did for us. Every month, we diligently save and invest any monetary gifts our children have received since birth. Fortunately, thanks to our planning, their college funds are looking pretty good.
However, here’s the catch: they need to have a clear idea of their career goals before I hand over the cash. I refuse to pay for my child to spend four years merely enjoying frat parties and weekend getaways. My husband and I have saved too hard over the past 13 years to let a wishy-washy teenager waste it all while trying to figure out their life direction.
When I express these sentiments to my friends, they chuckle and say I sound like the overly invested dad from the movie Some Kind of Wonderful. In that film, the father meticulously plans his son’s business school path, much to the dismay of his artistic son. The dad pushes for a college degree because he missed out on that chance, only to see his son squander the college fund on diamond earrings and a date with the school’s popular girl. The kid gets the girl, and the dad is left questioning where it all went wrong.
But I’m not that dad. I’m not going to dictate a specific career for my kids, nor will I live through them vicariously. All I’m saying is that while I can pay for my kid’s education, I won’t let him waste that chance. I’m happy to support him in attaining his goals, but he needs to have a solid vision of where he’s headed.
Many kids today are given the freedom to “find themselves” without enough accountability. Parents have become less demanding, leading to a generation that feels entitled. My children are not entitled to my financial support any more than I’m entitled to choose their career paths. It’s a partnership where both sides must collaborate to ensure a meaningful education that translates into real-world skills.
As college approaches, we’ll help our kids explore their aspirations long before they start spending our hard-earned money. We’ll engage in ongoing discussions about their interests, potential locations for living, and what truly brings them joy in life. I’ll even take them on tours of campuses and regale them with tales of my own college days.
I’ll try not to cry too much when I help him unpack in that tiny, overpriced dorm room. And I promise, my tears will be because I’ll miss him, not because I could have bought that Tesla instead. Mostly.
In the realm of parenting and higher education, there’s a fine line between support and entitlement. For more insights on parenting, consider checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination: Facts About Fertility.
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Summary
While I have the financial means to support my child’s college tuition, I won’t do so blindly. My kids must have a clear direction before I invest in their education, ensuring they earn a purposeful degree that prepares them for the real world.