When it comes to anxiety-inducing parenting scenarios, school concerts are right up there at the top. The emotional rollercoaster of the event itself, combined with the chaotic lead-up, makes me question whether I should just keep them home and teach them myself.
Getting my kids, who seem to have an aversion to pants, into khakis and collared shirts is practically a miracle. So, they inevitably end up being the least stylish kids in the room. Finding a seat is an adventure, too. We’re all lined up like it’s the launch of the latest iPhone at the Apple store. After elbowing my way to the back row and enduring the obligatory chit-chat with other parents, I’m sweating in my yoga pants, anxiously waiting for the moment I’ll have to give my child The Look.
School concerts are one of those parenting milestones that tug at every emotion you can imagine—joy, fear, anxiety, and pride all mix together like a perfect storm. Sometimes, the thoughts come so fast that I can hardly sort them out. Here’s a glimpse into the chaos in my mind during one of these concerts:
When is this thing going to start?
After battling through a sea of parents all clamoring for the best seats, we’ve been perched on these uncomfortable metal chairs for what feels like an eternity. Twenty minutes of small talk, polite smiles toward the room mom, and trying to remember the assistant principal’s name—all while dodging the side-eye from the PTA volunteer about my “lack of involvement” this year.
Is everyone else as anxious as I am?
Because I am on the edge of my seat, heart racing. After years of my kids pulling stunts on stage, I’m not just nervous—I’m terrified. But maybe they’ll surprise me this time.
Wait, is that a stain on his shirt?
What is that? Grease? Dirt? Oh, thank goodness, it’s just a wrinkle shadow because I totally forgot to iron his shirt! What kind of mom does that before a concert?
What is he doing now?
Is he picking his nose? Oh, wait—false alarm. Just a scratch! But now everyone will think he’s a nose-picker!
Did I leave the flat iron on?
Great. I’m pretty sure I left it on—and the stove, too. Oh, and the fridge door might be wide open. Should I text the neighbor to check in?
How long is this going to last?
I’ve got cookies to bake for tomorrow’s party. And when I say “bake,” I mean “buy.” And those teacher gifts won’t wrap themselves! Plus, I need to catch up on five episodes of that new show everyone’s raving about.
Hey, kiddo, put down the iPad!
Seriously, buddy, with the gigantic iPad recording every moment of your special snowflake’s off-key performance—put it down before I snatch it from your hands!
When did these kids grow up?
I can’t believe he’s in fourth grade already. When did that happen? When did I get older too?
Don’t cry.
Too late. I’m tearing up. Hopefully, no one will notice. Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone else is crying too.
Maybe I should’ve had a drink before coming.
And why is there no wine served at these things? That would be an excellent fundraiser!
School concerts are definitely not for the faint of heart. Here’s to all the parents out there. We’re in this together.
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