By: Jake Thompson
Updated: Feb. 20, 2020
Originally Published: November 17, 2016
There’s a popular quote making the rounds from actor Matthew McConaughey: “The best thing you can do as a father is to ensure your kids see how you love their mom.” As a dad to three little ones and someone who grew up in a fractured family, I can wholeheartedly agree.
I vividly remember the day my father left my mother. After a confrontation about his infidelity, Mom sat sobbing in the car, hands on the steering wheel, looking like she was ready to drive somewhere—anywhere—but wasn’t sure where to go. Meanwhile, Dad was busy stuffing his belongings into a duffle bag. The sounds of that day linger in my mind: the slamming doors, the muffled sobs, the rattle of sliding closet doors, and the engine starting up. Then came that heavy silence—the kind that follows a storm, leaving behind a tangible sense of loss.
Sometimes I picture my mom, resting her head on that steering wheel, tears streaming down her face while Dad packed his things. I never want my kids to experience a moment like that. I want them to feel secure in knowing their dad loves their mom and is committed to her, even when I’m not around.
The tricky part (and this might resonate with a few folks raised in the ’80s) is that as it became more acceptable for fathers to walk away, I found myself unsure of how to be a good husband and father. I second-guess myself often, and I know I’m not alone in this.
What I do know is that how I treat my wife reflects on my children. They’re nine, seven, and two, and the older ones are quite perceptive. While Mel and I don’t argue much anymore, when we do, I can see the concern etched on their faces as they watch us from the couch, their eyes darting back and forth, trying to make sense of it all.
On the flip side, they also notice when we go out on dates. When we return, they bombard us with questions about what we did, where we ate, and whether we enjoyed the movie.
I make a point to buy my wife flowers about once a month. This small gesture has a huge impact on our kids. I want my son to observe me doing this because I never saw my father show that kind of affection. It’s essential for him to learn how to treat a partner with love, even after years of marriage.
And for my daughters? I want them to expect flowers. I want them to find partners who are willing to invest time and effort into romance. I don’t want them to feel as lost as I did growing up. I want them to understand what a healthy marriage looks like and to know, without question, that I loved their mother deeply. To achieve that, I must demonstrate it through my actions.
The reality of marriage and family life is this: Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s an action. It’s not something you stumble upon and then forget about. Love is a continuous effort—sending “I love you” texts, making caring phone calls, sharing warm embraces, and planning date nights. It’s about stepping in to care for the kids when your partner needs a break. It’s finding compromises where no one gets everything they want, but everyone can be happy.
When I tell my son I love his mother, he often rolls his eyes and says, “I know, Dad.” It’s as if I just informed him that the sky is blue. And honestly, I love that he knows. It gives him a solid foundation. No matter what life throws at him, he can rest assured that both of his parents love each other and him. Coming from a broken home, I realize how crucial that is for a child.
If you don’t openly show love to the mother of your children, what message are you sending? My father’s indifference and avoidance taught me all the wrong lessons. It wasn’t until I had been married for over a decade that I fully grasped what went wrong in my parents’ relationship and what I needed to do differently.
Fathers, trust me when I say this: your marriage and family life will thrive when you express your love through actions. It’s the oil that keeps the gears of marriage running smoothly. It’s the maintenance that everyone talks about. Your children need to witness this love so they can feel secure and safe in their home, supported by two loving parents.
This is the best investment you can make in your family. Believe me.
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Summary:
Fathers play a crucial role in demonstrating love for their partners, which in turn impacts their children’s understanding of relationships. By expressing affection through actions—like date nights, thoughtful gestures, and open communication—dads can create a loving environment that fosters security and healthy expectations for their children. This investment in love is essential for nurturing a warm and functional family dynamic.