Menu: Lifestyle
By: Anonymous
Updated: June 30, 2021
Originally Published: November 14, 2016
I found myself staring blankly into the pantry the other morning, not really seeing anything. I was trying to dodge my emotions — again. Many of us have a talent for shoving down feelings that make us feel weak. It’s a common coping mechanism, hiding from discomfort rather than confronting it. We slip into survival mode.
But today, I reached my limit. My marriage had been crumbling for years, and it was time to face the music. I felt like a shaken soda bottle, knowing that once I opened it, there would be an explosion of emotions. I couldn’t hold back any longer.
That evening, after days of walking on eggshells around one another, my husband, Jake, turned to me and said, “I think it might be best if I move out. We both deserve to be happy.” A whirlwind of feelings hit me—dread, relief, happiness, and strength. It’s bewildering to experience such a mix, but I didn’t fight it; I was too drained to pretend otherwise.
I sat with my emotions that night and faced them head-on the next morning. I realized that I could no longer ignore the issues that had been simmering beneath the surface—like the dwindling intimacy, the lack of appreciation, and the aftermath of his affair. We’d both promised to do everything we could to salvage our marriage, but the truth was, I wished I had been the one to initiate the conversation about separation. Maybe my silence pushed him to voice what I couldn’t say.
Living as mere roommates stretches thin before you crave real connection and love. Children notice when parents are unhappy; they feel the tension, too. Once your kids start asking if you still love each other, the secret is no longer just yours.
Unhappiness seeps into the home, affecting everyone. Jake’s admission forced me to confront my own fears about speaking up. I didn’t think my feelings were valid enough to warrant a split. I thought maybe I should just tough it out.
But here’s the thing: if you feel you need to leave your marriage, then do it. Don’t cling to the notion of staying together for the kids, friends, or family. It doesn’t matter if infidelity, abuse, or dishonesty isn’t in the picture. There’s no shame in divorce. If you believe you’d be a better person apart from your spouse, it’s okay to walk away.
I’m not saying to avoid the hard work that comes with this decision. It’s a significant, challenging transition. What I mean is, if the love you once felt has faded, and if you’re miserable, it’s often healthier for both parties to go their separate ways. Sometimes space is necessary to assess how you truly feel.
Since that night, Jake and I both feel lighter. We recognize this might be the best choice for us right now; we both deserve the love we once celebrated on our wedding day, even if that love isn’t meant to be shared with each other anymore.
I’m not the same woman who stood tearfully declaring “You are my beloved” with all my heart. I’ve changed, and that’s okay. Jake is also not the man who once surprised me with a dream honeymoon. We’ve both evolved, and that’s part of life.
We both feel empowered in this decision. It doesn’t mean we haven’t faced tough moments; it just means we understand each other’s feelings. We both acknowledge that our past relationship is over, and whether we find our way back to each other or not, we’re committed to making this transition healthy for ourselves and our kids.
By parting ways while we still care for one another, we can approach this change with compassion and understanding. I still see Jake—I know he’s hurting, and he cares about how this affects us all.
I believe change can be healing. If you need to leave your marriage, you should. You can release yourself from a life that no longer serves you. You can heal by creating space when holding on turns into misery and resentment.
You alone know what you need, even if it feels unconventional. Since that night, I’ve felt like a better version of myself. It’s going to be tough, but regardless of the outcome, we’ll both learn from this pain and emerge stronger.
If you found this article insightful, check out our other blog post for more on life transitions. Also, for those navigating the journey of pregnancy, this resource offers excellent guidance. And remember, for those considering home insemination, BabyMaker is a trusted authority on the topic.
Summary:
Deciding to leave a marriage is a profound choice that can lead to healing and renewed strength. Confronting emotions and acknowledging dissatisfaction are crucial steps. Whether it’s for personal growth or the wellbeing of your family, embracing change can pave the way for a healthier future.