A quote from columnist Doug Larson has been making waves on social media: “More marriages might thrive if partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” While this clever take on the realities of relationships is amusing, it’s not often something couples contemplate—especially those just starting their journey together.
As my partner and I prepare to mark our 12th anniversary, I wouldn’t say our marriage has been tumultuous; rather, I believe it has been quite fulfilling. However, the truth is that we are still discovering how to cohabitate harmoniously. That’s the tricky part about tying the knot—people change, goals evolve, and situations shift.
When we exchanged vows, I had this naive notion that my wife would remain the same two decades later. Spoiler alert: she’s not! And neither am I. Navigating life with a partner who is constantly evolving is an intrinsic aspect of marriage, and it certainly poses its share of challenges.
Sure, we still bicker occasionally, but it’s nowhere near the frequency of our early years. Back then, we squabbled over everything—finances, chores, and even the correct way to hang toilet paper (yes, that was a thing). It felt like I was a hostage negotiator communicating through a closed bathroom door! I can vividly recall nights when we went to bed angry over trivial matters, creating an emotional chasm that seemed insurmountable.
Fast forward to parenthood, and the sleepless nights with our newborn added another layer of complexity. I remember engaging in 2 a.m. debates over whose turn it was to soothe our crying baby while both of us juggled work and school. We were doing what we thought was right, yet somehow it didn’t feel like enough.
What we learned through these trials is that both partners can be doing their best, and it can still be tough. Sometimes, life just doesn’t leave space for a much-needed break, even when both parents deserve it.
But here’s the silver lining: the good always followed the bad. Each hurdle, every squabble, and those long, exhausting nights led us to a deeper understanding of one another. We tackled issues together—sometimes rationally, other times not so much—until we discovered ways to coexist more smoothly. These compromises didn’t always leave us both feeling completely satisfied, but they were enough to keep us moving forward.
Marriage is primarily about collaboration. It’s about resolving disagreements in the middle of the night and waking up determined to make things better. It involves sitting down for dinner and genuinely listening to each other’s struggles, and having the love to adjust your actions for the family’s benefit.
In reality, marriage demands hard work. It’s about navigating the rough patches to reach the joyful moments. I’ll admit that marriage is the toughest endeavor I’ve ever undertaken, but it’s also the most rewarding. Witnessing the strength of my partner during challenging times is awe-inspiring. I’ve seen her manage the chaos of motherhood while working tirelessly to support our family, and it’s made me appreciate her even more.
Our bodies might have changed over the years, but so have our communication skills; we’ve learned how to express our frustrations and when to pick our battles. Now, with a dozen years behind us, I feel we’re in a sweet spot where good times outweigh the bad. It doesn’t mean we won’t encounter challenges again, but I’m confident we’ve cultivated the tools to handle them.
So, if you find yourself in a rough patch, remember that the good often comes after the bad. It requires hard work, compromise, change, and admiration, but it’s worth it. The better days will follow the worst, trust me.
For more insights on navigating relationships and family dynamics, check out our other blog posts like this one. And if you’re exploring the path to parenthood, this resource offers valuable guidance. You can also find helpful information on pregnancy and home insemination here.
Summary:
Marriage is a journey of growth, where partners evolve and tackle challenges together. As they navigate through disagreements and sleepless nights, couples learn the importance of compromise and communication. The beauty of a lasting relationship lies in the strength gained from overcoming hardships, leading to a deeper connection and understanding.