My kids are relentless in their quest for a new sibling. While I appreciate their enthusiasm, the answer is a solid no. Yet, their persistent questions and musings pale in comparison to the unsolicited opinions I receive from others about our family size.
What is it about parenting that seems to give people a free pass to pry into matters that don’t concern them? Why is it that the decision to have children—or not—invites such fervent scrutiny? And how can we put an end to the never-ending inquiries and judgments regarding family size?
It’s one thing to receive casual questions like, “Is he your only child?” or “Are these all your kids?” Those are fairly innocuous. But when folks start following up with, “Have you considered adoption?” or “Don’t you believe in birth control?” it crosses a line into the realm of rude and invasive.
Whether someone’s family is a bustling crew or a cozy duo, it’s really none of our business. Beyond that, there can be deep emotional complexities behind family size decisions. For instance, when I was trying to conceive my second child, every inquiry about whether we planned to add to our family felt like a punch to the gut. I wanted to scream, “You have no clue how desperately I want another baby! I’m terrified I can’t have any more kids, and I’m sick of this waiting game!” Instead, I would respond with, “Yes, I hope so.”
Then there’s my friend, Sarah, who has one child. When she and her husband were considering expanding their family, she received a cancer diagnosis. After multiple rounds of chemotherapy and years of medication, the prospect of having more children was snuffed out. The questions she faces about her family size feel like salt in an open wound.
These stories are not isolated incidents, either. People everywhere feel entitled to share their two cents on family planning, often without realizing the pain it can cause. Strangers casually ask personal questions on the street, while online critics berate others for their choices. Discussions about the “ideal” family size pop up, as if there is a universal standard.
So how about this: let’s just stop commenting on family sizes altogether.
Let’s refrain from convincing childless couples that they should procreate. Let’s not tell parents of only children that they’re somehow depriving their kids of something. Let’s avoid suggesting adoption or fertility remedies like essential oils. And let’s definitely stop assuming that large families need a lesson in birth control.
Families come in all shapes and sizes for myriad reasons. We have no right to judge someone’s deeply personal decision about family-building. Perhaps we pry because we’re nosy, or maybe we’re just uncomfortable with our own choices and seek validation through others.
If we could just stop questioning the decisions of others, maybe we’d have more time to feel good about our own.
If you’re curious about more insights on family-building, check out this post on home insemination. And for those eager to learn about at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom has great resources. For further reading on the IVF process, Parents offers valuable information.
In summary, let’s embrace the diversity in family sizes and respect each individual’s choices without judgment.