Whenever a group of parents mingles with non-parents, it doesn’t take long for the dreaded question to pop up: “So, when are you two planning to have kids?” I ask it, but I can’t help but feel a twinge of regret when I do, considering how much I disliked it in the past. My intention isn’t to pressure anyone—I’m just genuinely curious about their journey and what lies ahead for them. However, their answers often leave me grappling with a hint of jealousy.
“We’re waiting until we travel more, buy a house, secure better jobs, pay off our student loans, feel ready…”
These responses are perfectly reasonable and mature. The issue lies within me and my unexpected journey into parenthood. You see, my husband, Jake, and I never planned on having children. We both agreed before marriage that our life together would be child-free because I wanted to ensure my partner was on board with the idea of just us—no tiny humans in the mix. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, and now I’m a mom to two amazing kids. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but there are moments when I find myself mourning the life we never had.
Many of my friends have “plans” for their future family. They’re waiting for the perfect time, pursuing dreams and checking off goals before diving into parenthood. Meanwhile, Jake and I barely had time to enjoy our marriage before my birth control decided to go rogue, leading to a positive pregnancy test after a particularly memorable family vacation (thanks, seasickness!).
Initially, we were so blindsided by this sudden turn of events that we didn’t stop to think about what we were giving up. It was only after chatting with friends who are intentionally delaying parenthood that I began to recognize the experiences I missed out on—the adventures we could’ve taken and the memories we didn’t get the chance to create. While we were busy researching cribs and strollers, others were enjoying carefree weekends and spontaneous trips.
Don’t get me wrong, my life now is far from terrible. We’ve built a lovely life, and my kids fill my days with joy. Yet, there are evenings when exhaustion hits, but my mind starts wandering down the path of “what could have been.” The freedom we lost, the plans that never materialized, those lazy weekends spent just the two of us—I wish we could have embraced that phase just a bit longer, but the universe had other ideas.
I harbor no resentment towards those who are choosing to wait, whether for travel or career advancement. In fact, I admire their foresight and maturity. I just can’t help but miss the life that slipped away from us.
If you’re interested in exploring the options available for growing your family, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination on NHS. And if you’re looking for guidance on at-home insemination kits, Make A Mom provides valuable information. For a deeper dive into the topic, you can also visit our post on home insemination.
Summary
The author reflects on the life experiences they missed out on due to unexpected parenthood, contrasting their journey with friends who are waiting to have children. While they cherish their current life with kids, they also feel a sense of loss for the adventures and memories that never came to be.