It’s November—time for the annual gratitude parade, where everyone from your favorite podcasts to social media influencers remind us how beneficial it is to be thankful. And let’s face it, who embodies thankfulness more than moms? We’re showered with love from our beautiful children, and many of us have gone through significant challenges to bring them into our lives, whether through fertility treatments or adoption. With all this abundance, shouldn’t our lives be overflowing with gratitude? Right?
As a mother and a clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety related to motherhood, I find the notion of gratitude a bit tricky. I’m definitely not alone; a recent and somewhat controversial editorial in the New York Times pointed out how gratitude can sometimes come off as self-serving or indulgent. My take is a bit different. While studies show that gratitude correlates with happiness and satisfaction, I’ve seen that the pressure to feel grateful can actually exacerbate negative feelings in mothers.
Understanding the Pressure
Let me elaborate. I’ve encountered many moms who have a lot to appreciate but are still grappling with stress, anxiety, or depression. These women often express that the unending gratitude messages they receive during the Thanksgiving season can be more distressing than uplifting. They recognize their blessings but still feel miserable, which can lead them to question their worthiness—what’s wrong with me if I can’t just be happy with all I have?
On the flip side, some moms struggle to identify things they’re thankful for at all. The gratitude-industrial complex has a solution for this too: reminders to appreciate basic necessities like clean air, water, and a cozy home. While those are indeed important, they don’t do much to comfort someone feeling lonely or down.
The Dismissive Nature of Gratitude
The push to feel thankful can sometimes feel dismissive, akin to someone saying, “You’ve got [food/clean water/a loving family], so stop complaining!” But mental health issues don’t adhere to such logic. High-profile tragedies, like the loss of beloved comedian Alex, remind us that having everything—money, family, success—doesn’t shield anyone from mental struggles.
Acknowledging Negative Emotions
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we emphasize the importance of acknowledging negative emotions and showing ourselves kindness. So, as we enter the season of gratitude, I encourage moms to understand that feeling sad doesn’t negate their ability to be grateful, and it’s perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed despite having comforts that many envy.
Redefining Gratitude
So yes, I’m fine with influencers like Oprah discussing gratitude, but let’s add some footnotes to those posts:
- It’s okay if you try to feel grateful and can’t.
- It’s okay if you appreciate some parts of your life but not others.
- It’s okay to have everything and still feel unhappy.
Now that’s a Thanksgiving sentiment I can support. For more insights on navigating motherhood and its challenges, you might find this resource helpful. And if you’re curious about home insemination, check out this site for more information. Additionally, for a deep dive into intrauterine insemination, Healthline offers excellent resources.
Conclusion
In summary, while the gratitude trend is in full swing, remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel a mix of emotions, and you don’t have to force yourself into a gratitude mold that doesn’t fit.