By: Lila Thompson
Today marks the start of week four in the epic saga of my 2-year-old’s sleep resistance. It all begins peacefully enough, but before long, he’s wide awake, wailing after only a few hours of shut-eye. This inevitably leads me to join him in the chorus of frustration and tears, completely drained and at my wits’ end.
I now see why sleep deprivation is regarded as a form of torture. It’s nearly impossible to function — I’m barely operating at half capacity after nights filled with broken sleep, stretched over a 10-hour span. Continuously waking up to a child who is utterly exhausted yet refuses to sleep, all while demanding food he doesn’t actually want to eat, is a crash course in patience that I never signed up for.
Over these past few weeks, I’ve realized just how emotionally fragile I become when I’m sleep-starved. As if being 6 months pregnant isn’t challenging enough, the helplessness of not being able to comfort my child when he’s upset tends to morph into hopelessness after countless failed attempts to soothe him.
Before I became a parent, I thought I had a solid grasp on the parenting rollercoaster. I had babysat numerous kids and even took care of my teenage niece for a year. I assumed the teenage years would be the most challenging, filled with mood swings, dating drama, and school chaos. Little did I know that nothing could compare to the struggle of sleepless nights, negotiating with a toddler to eat one of the five dinner options I provided (a skill I’m still trying to master), or tackling the infamous potty training dilemma.
I’ve shed more tears into my kitchen cabinets and coffee mugs than I care to admit after yet another failed attempt at getting my child dressed, feeding him, or just getting him to put away his toys. I’ve swapped reasoning for bribery, promising cartoon time after breakfast, but with little success. We’ve tried co-sleeping, various sleep training methods, blackout curtains, soothing essential oils, and every trendy parenting hack I could find during my late-night internet binges. Yet, most solutions seem only to work temporarily, and any fleeting success is quickly overshadowed by emotional exhaustion.
Parenting is incredibly tough — like, really tough — and the lack of sleep amplifies everything. I usually pride myself on my positive attitude and optimistic outlook, but lately, each day feels like it’s draining the life out of me, leaving me a teary-eyed mess. Getting frustrated and angry isn’t helpful, though it often feels unavoidable, which leaves me feeling just as childish as the toddler I’m trying to guide. Maintaining patience, composure, and love over frustration is as challenging as parenting itself.
I genuinely thought I had mastered my emotions through various trials in adulthood. After all, I’ve dealt with grown men who acted like children. Yet, nothing prepared me for the emotional tug-of-war with my little one, who can’t articulate his desires, leaving me guessing about his toy preferences and why he suddenly dislikes bananas that he loved yesterday.
Emotional fatigue takes many forms: crying in the pantry, begging, bribing, leaving the house in mismatched shoes, neglecting personal grooming, surviving on cold leftovers, and living off caffeine and uneaten snacks. I now understand why people raise their eyebrows at my appearance; it’s been ages since I’ve showered without interruption.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. I’m greeted with sloppy kisses and spontaneous hugs, and I have a little one who constantly reminds me just how loved I am. It’s hard to believe that the struggle is worth it, but when I see those innocent eyes pleading for just a few more minutes of my time or watch them get lost in imaginative play, the rewards are truly priceless.
I have a built-in comedian who follows me everywhere, makes me laugh when I’m about to lose it, and shows me that despite the challenges, I’ve created something truly extraordinary. This parenting journey is the most difficult adventure I’ve ever embarked upon, and we are still in the early stages. I know tougher times lie ahead, but those moments when my child lights up at my return, begging for a hug and a kiss, make all the emotional exhaustion seem manageable.
So to all the weary moms and dads out there — hang in there! You’re doing your very best. And remember, “All you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough.”
With love,
One tired mama
For more insights on navigating pregnancy and parenting, check out this blog post. If you’re considering becoming a parent, Make a Mom is a great resource for at-home insemination kits. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, visit the Fertility Center at Hopkins Medicine.
Summary
Parenting a toddler can be exhausting, especially when they refuse to sleep. The emotional toll of sleepless nights can lead to frustration and a sense of helplessness. However, amidst the challenges, the love and joy that come from these little ones can make it all worthwhile. Remember, all you can do is enough.