Updated: Jan. 29, 2018
Originally Published: Nov. 2, 2016
My home is nearly always in order, even with four rambunctious boys who manage to turn my clean floors into mudtracks and find creative ways to leave evidence of their adventures on the walls. To me, a “mess” might be a few dishes piled up in the sink or a smattering of school papers cluttering the counter. However, it seems that my relatively tidy home leads others to believe I have everything in life under control.
When guests visit for the first time, they often exclaim with a hint of envy, “I wish my house looked this good.” It’s clear they are silently critiquing themselves, just like we all tend to do about our parenting skills or our appearance. I just smile and nod, hoping to convey that their home is perfectly fine and that a bit of clutter is totally normal.
But here’s the truth: My house isn’t clean because I’m exceptionally organized or possess some magical life-management skills. It’s because I place an almost unhealthy importance on having a tidy space, often at the expense of other vital aspects of my life. And honestly, it’s exhausting.
I need my environment to be clean—like, absolutely need it. If things are out of sorts, I feel irritable and on edge until I can restore order. A clean house brings me joy, but the effort it takes to maintain it can be draining. If there’s a mess that bothers me, I struggle to focus on anything else until it’s resolved.
Of course, life has its demands, which means something has to give. You might find me burning the midnight oil, staring blankly at my computer, trying to meet a work deadline that slipped because I chose to scrub the floors instead. Or I’m telling my kids I can’t join them for playtime yet again because I need to finish cleaning up after dinner.
I can’t quite explain why I feel this way, but there are many days when it feels like I’m a prisoner to my own standards. I’d love to spend more time tossing a ball with my kids or taking leisurely walks, but I can’t shake the need to tidy up first. There have even been times I’ve arrived late to appointments because I couldn’t leave until I picked up the laundry or wiped a sticky spot off the floor.
So yes, my house is clean, and it often looks great. But behind the spotless surfaces lies my secret: I wish I could let go of some of that pressure, even just a little. I wish I could be like those friends who wish they could be like me. It troubles me that anyone might feel “less than” when they step into my pristine home.
This experience highlights a common truth: we often judge ourselves harshly based on how we perceive others’ lives to be. We see someone else’s seemingly perfect existence, and it can lead us to feel inadequate. Yet, what we see is often just a polished surface. The person posting photos of their fabulous vacations might be struggling with debt, and the couple appearing blissfully happy could be dealing with serious issues behind closed doors. We rarely see the entire story—just a curated snapshot.
So, if you visit my home and start feeling envious because it’s cleaner than yours, remember this: While I was busy scrubbing and organizing, you were likely spending valuable moments with your family or enjoying life in ways I sometimes miss out on.
Reflect on what truly matters: Is it freshly washed curtains and spotless countertops, or is it modeling a healthy work/life balance for your kids? Don’t feel envious or think you’re falling short. Just take a moment to set aside those dishes and laundry, and go enjoy time with your children instead. You won’t regret it.
For more insights on parenting and life balance, check out this post on home insemination kits, which also highlights the importance of prioritizing what truly matters. And if you’re seeking an excellent resource on pregnancy and fertility, visit UCSF’s Fertility Insurance FAQs.
Summary:
Maintaining a clean house can often feel like a burden, especially for parents managing the chaos of children. While it may appear that some have their lives perfectly together, the truth is that everyone has their struggles behind closed doors. It’s important to prioritize quality time with loved ones over the pressure of a spotless home.