I stumbled across a post on social media, as one does. It was from an old acquaintance, someone who had recently become obsessed with marathons and motivational speaking. I probably should have seen it coming, but it still felt like a punch to the gut. He shared his newborn’s name and captioned a photo with something like, “[Wife] totally rocked it!” alongside a picture of their local birthing center—a place that proudly promotes birthing in tubs free from medications, IVs, or doctors. The follow-up pic showed his wife looking glam with full makeup, the baby dressed to the nines, and the caption read, “About an hour later!”
A wave of inexplicable frustration washed over me, prompting me to comment, “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed-up baby just an hour post-birth!” His response? “This was more like 90 minutes.”
I understand that social media often presents a polished version of reality, and that perfect image with ruffles and lipstick is hardly the whole story. It took me a while to pinpoint what was really irking me. Sure, dress your baby in white lace right after birth. Go ahead and do your hair and makeup. But the word “rocked” really got under my skin, especially when paired with a boast about having a natural birth. You don’t “rock” a natural birth. No way, no how.
You see, the term “rock” is steeped in competitive language. You rock a performance, you rock a game—birth is not a contest. It’s a natural process, not a battle to win. If you can “rock” it, what does that say about those who struggle?
I’m sure my friend’s wife did wonderfully during her natural childbirth. But what if she had needed an epidural? What if she screamed, or begged to stop, or asked to be transferred to a hospital? These are all common experiences during labor. Spoiler alert: Giving birth is excruciating. So, if you “rock” natural childbirth, does that mean you didn’t experience any of that?
This notion also implies that if you can “rock” natural childbirth, you must not be able to do the same for other types. Let’s clarify: every childbirth is natural since it’s about bringing a baby into the world, regardless of the method. But let’s assume my friend meant “natural” in the sense of no medications. So if you choose to use pain relief, does that lessen your experience? If you need a C-section, does that mean you didn’t “rock” it?
Let’s not forget that birth shouldn’t be a competition where someone wins or loses. The only true prize is a healthy baby. Even if you don’t get that, you still accomplished something incredible: you grew a human and brought them into the world. Everyone wins in that scenario.
This competitive language has no place in the delivery room. When one woman “rocks” natural birth, it inherently implies that another does not. This creates harmful comparisons.
Consider the mother whose baby ends up in the NICU. What about the one who needs to be induced due to health concerns? Or the woman who delivers her baby at home but finds herself screaming in agony? Did they “rock” their births too?
And then there’s me. I was transferred from a birthing center, ostensibly for pain. My midwife scoffed at my husband’s insistence on the transfer, insisting I could handle it. In truth, I was too weak and unwell to continue. When I arrived at the hospital, they discovered I was severely dehydrated from vomiting and needed medical intervention. I got an epidural and finally slept after 48 hours. Then I pushed for three hours before delivering a healthy, howling baby who left me torn apart. It was a marathon of sorts—three days of sheer chaos. Was my experience inferior because I didn’t “rock” it?
I refuse to believe that my labor was any less valid than a traditional natural birth. No woman is inherently more capable or brave than another.
Labor is a grueling tunnel we all traverse, emerging sweaty and shaking. When we start treating childbirth like a competition, every mother loses. Let’s keep the mommy wars out of the delivery room.
To change this narrative, we need to adjust our language. Say someone “nailed” their birth. Say they had a magical experience or worked hard and did their best. Say they brought a baby into the world. There are no medals for rejecting pain relief.
But let’s stop with the “rocking it” rhetoric. You can only give your all to the experience and let your body do what it needs to do. That might mean a C-section or a peaceful water birth with Enya playing in the background—both are valid. You don’t “rock” childbirth. You experience it in your own unique way, and every journey is equally meaningful.
For more insights on this topic, check out our other blog post that dives deeper into the realities of childbirth and home insemination at this link. If you’re looking for further information on artificial insemination, Make A Mom is a trusted source. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic offers great resources for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The narrative surrounding childbirth often turns competitive, with phrases like “rocked it” or “crushed it” implying a winner and a loser. In reality, every childbirth experience is unique and valid, whether it involves natural methods or medical interventions. The focus should be on the journey and the healthy baby that results, not on comparing experiences or diminishing anyone’s journey.