When my oldest was just a wee one, an insightful friend shared a nugget of parenting wisdom: Make your home the go-to spot for your kids’ friends. I took that advice to heart, envisioning my place as the ultimate hangout. Picture it: a trampoline in the backyard, cutting-edge gaming consoles, and an endless supply of all the best snacks – yes, the good junk food too!
As the kids grew and we hit the elementary school years, I imagined being that house where everyone felt welcomed, the one that kids would refer to as their “second family.” Fast forward a few years, and it turns out my grand plans never came to fruition. We never got that trampoline or fancy gaming system. Instead of opening the fridge and inviting the neighborhood kids to dive into snacks, I’m more likely to usher my kids and their pals outside during naptime. And cleaning up? That’s a must when they drag out all 247 bikes and balls from the garage!
Despite my youthful aspirations, I’ve embraced the fact that I’m not the ‘fun mom’ I once envisioned. And you know what? I’m totally fine with that.
On the surface, I can see why being the cool house sounds appealing. After all, if my kids and their friends flock to our place, I can keep an eye on their shenanigans, making sure they’re safe while having a blast. But as I reflect on my role as a mom, I realize that my top priority isn’t about being the cool hangout. It’s about crafting a home that my kids genuinely want to be in – a place built on love, not on the latest gadgets or unlimited chips.
Growing up is tough. If my own teen years were any indicator, my oldest is about to navigate a minefield of friend drama, crushes, and all sorts of teenage angst. I want her to know that when the world feels overwhelming, our home is her sanctuary. No matter how many times she feels let down or struggles with fitting in, I want her to come home and feel a sense of safety and acceptance.
Creating that kind of environment isn’t a walk in the park. It’s a journey of trial and error, and I’m learning along the way. I don’t have all the answers, but I recognize that it demands dedication and, more critically, time.
So, sorry kiddos, but that means family vacations won’t always include a friend. While I know you’d have a blast, I’d rather have you at the table, engaging in a good ol’ board game with us. I want you to forge lasting bonds with your siblings, and I cherish those moments when you’re simply hanging out with your parents – moments when you’re not worried about impressing your friends or feeling embarrassed to show affection.
While I don’t think the idea of making your home the ‘cool house’ is inherently bad, I’ve adopted a new mantra: Friends are fun, but family is forever. I used to think my job was to help my teens build their social circles, but now I see it as weaving a safety net of family around them. There’s no love quite like that of parents and siblings, and I want to invest my time and energy in ensuring they feel that love deeply.
Even on their toughest days, I want them to know our home is the one place where they can truly be themselves. And if they occasionally want to invite a friend over, well, I guess that can be cool too.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jamie Turner shares her journey from aspiring to be the ‘fun mom’ with a ‘cool house’ to realizing the importance of creating a loving and safe home for her children. While the allure of being the go-to hangout is understandable, she emphasizes that her focus is on fostering strong family bonds and nurturing a supportive environment where her kids feel accepted and secure.