In today’s world, it’s a valid question: should we raise girls differently from boys? As a mother of four, with three sons and one daughter, my answer is a resounding yes. While it would be great if we didn’t have to, the reality is that preparing our daughters for the challenges they face often requires a different approach.
I strive to raise all my children to be strong, thoughtful, kind, and engaged in the moment. Yet, I find myself guiding my daughter in a way distinct from my sons. I want each of them to be good people, but the tools they need to navigate the world can vary significantly.
Even in 2023, stereotypes persist. Media and cultural norms shape our children’s experiences in ways that can be quite limiting. There’s an expectation for boys to be tough and for girls to be gentle. While I believe in allowing my daughter to embrace her strength—whether that means wearing Star Wars shirts or her brothers’ old race car boxer briefs—it’s also crucial for her to know it’s okay to be loud, assertive, and to command her space. I teach my sons that it’s perfectly acceptable for a girl to out-voice them in a playful debate, and that losing to a girl doesn’t diminish their worth.
However, I also recognize the need to prepare her for a world that can be unforgiving. I want her to be assertive and clear in her communications, but I also teach her to sometimes soften her message—an unfortunate necessity she may face in her interactions. When my sons can speak freely, I know my daughter may have to navigate her words carefully.
I emphasize to my sons that they can learn from her and allow her to challenge them. I teach them humility and the value of admitting when they’re wrong. Yet, I also tread lightly with my daughter, making sure not to stifle her natural assertiveness in the face of a world that might try to.
The reality is that I have to raise my daughter with different considerations for her safety and personal space. While my sons face their own set of dangers, my daughter’s experience with them is often more acute, making it vital for me to prepare her for those realities. This includes teaching her about situational awareness in ways my sons won’t experience at the same level.
I don’t like the gendered differences that exist, and I actively strive to change them through my children. I want my daughter to know she can be a hero, just as I want my sons to understand that it’s okay to accept help from others, including women.
In a world that often imposes its norms on children, I aim to counterbalance these influences. I don’t want my daughter to be pigeonholed as a princess nor my sons as mere white knights. Instead, I emphasize the importance of finding a middle ground amidst stereotypes.
At the end of the day, I’m just trying to do my best in this sometimes frightening world. I know no parent has all the answers, but adapting my approach based on the unique challenges my daughter will face seems like the right thing to do.
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In summary, while we strive for equality in our parenting, we must also recognize the different societal expectations and challenges our children will face, guiding them accordingly.