[Trigger warning: This article contains sensitive content regarding the loss of a child.]
On an ordinary day that would soon turn tragic, my son, Ethan, exhibited a boldness and curiosity that would change everything in an instant. Just shy of his second birthday, his adventurous spirit led him to explore a world that, unbeknownst to me, held more dangers than I had ever considered.
It was the first day of relocating to my father’s house after my mother had passed away three months prior. We were moving in to save money and provide companionship for him. While I was in the kitchen, just a short distance away—about 20 feet—Ethan was happily watching cartoons and snacking on raisins. My husband was busy in the garage with my dad.
The backyard, accessible through the French doors, boasted an inviting inground pool. To my shock, Ethan managed to silently open that door, something I never thought he could do. When I returned to the room, he was nowhere to be found. I assumed he was playing hide and seek.
“Ethan! Where are you?!” I called out, my voice light and playful. I searched the house while my husband and father headed outside. Moments later, a scream pierced the air followed by a splash. My husband dove in, my father called 911, and I stood frozen in the kitchen, unable to comprehend the unfolding nightmare. I can still hear my father’s horrified voice, “He’s in the pool! Oh my God!”
Living in a home with a pool required a level of vigilance I had failed to recognize. I had reassured my mother-in-law that Ethan would never be outside alone, even as she expressed concern about the dangers of water. In her Florida neighborhood, accidental drownings are tragically common. If only I had carried that perspective back home to New Jersey, where the seasons change but the risks remain.
I had underestimated Ethan that day. He was a good boy—perhaps even more cautious than most toddlers. Just that morning, my father and I discussed how close he was to me. I share this because I know many parents think, “This could never happen to me.” I certainly did. I can’t say for certain whether the door was locked, but had I understood the importance of water safety, I would have taken the necessary precautions, just as we secure harmful household chemicals. Pools, ponds, and even that charming little stream behind the house should always be treated with utmost respect.
Statistics from the CDC reveal that children aged 1 to 4 are at the highest risk for drowning, with residential swimming pools being the most common locations. Drowning is the leading cause of death in this age group, aside from congenital birth defects, and ranks second for children aged 1 to 14, following motor vehicle accidents. Adequate water safety education and the installation of proper fencing would likely have saved Ethan’s life. The CDC indicates that a four-sided isolation fence, separating the pool from the house and yard, lowers a child’s drowning risk by 83% compared to three-sided property-line fencing. This insight inspired local legislation now known as Ethan’s Ordinance.
In the months following Ethan’s tragic passing, we grew close to our community, including our synagogue’s cantor. Almost exactly one year after the accident, she informed us that she had applied for a permit to build a swimming pool at her home in the same town where we lost Ethan. The town clerk shared that fencing laws had been revised, “because of that little boy that died.”
In a whirlwind of emotions, my husband contacted the town to learn more, discovering the Child Fatality and Near Fatality Review Board, which analyzes how such accidents can be prevented. Ethan’s case had been reviewed anonymously, and upon seeing just his initials, E.P., in the documents, we reached out to the committee member responsible for the ordinance. We asked that Ethan’s name and image be associated with it. Now officially named, Ethan’s Ordinance mandates that all new pool constructions include a four-sided barrier with a locking gate. In a bittersweet way, it felt as if Ethan was alive again, serving a purpose.
You may be thinking, “This will never happen to me. I watch my child closely. They can swim. We don’t have a pool.” Yet, I’ve met many mothers who have tearfully shared their own near-miss stories. Children slipping out unnoticed, darting into the street, or falling down stairs. I’ve mostly received compassion and understanding in return.
The loss of a child is a profound tragedy, and discussing it can be uncomfortable for those with living children. The fear of every parent is real. But I take solace in knowing that Ethan has already saved lives. I urge you to remain vigilant around water. Educate yourself and others, ensure all doors leading to water sources are securely locked, and never assume it couldn’t happen to you.
This article was originally published on Oct. 26, 2016.
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Summary:
This heartfelt account reflects on the tragic loss of a child due to drowning and emphasizes the importance of water safety for all parents. It underscores the need for vigilance around water and advocates for protective measures like fencing to prevent similar tragedies. The narrative is a poignant reminder of the fragility of life and the necessity for education and safety awareness in parenting.