Somehow, after giving birth, I’ve become a so-called expert on parenting and the joy it can supposedly bring to your life. I’m joking, of course. I’m not an authority on anything. But if you heard the recurring question from friends who are pondering parenthood, you’d think otherwise. The question I get asked most often is, “Is it worth it?”
Maybe I attract this question because I spend my days sharing personal stories and dishing out unsolicited advice. Or perhaps it’s because many of my friends are career-driven individuals who’ve chosen to have kids later in life. Regardless, I think they’re often taken aback by my response.
Honestly? It’s probably not worth it. Whatever “it” may be.
From a young age, I envisioned myself as a mother, a role I’ve always yearned for. After years of struggling with infertility, I recall thinking, “This can’t be right. I’m meant to be a mom, so why isn’t it happening?” I’ve never been this sure about anything else in life. It’s not something you can logically explain.
We decided to start trying for kids in our early 30s, unaware it would take five years for a pregnancy to hold. I welcomed my first child at 37 and my second at 40. While that may seem late, I’ve never lived my life traditionally. I didn’t have kids because society expected it; I did it because I genuinely wanted to.
This is why my advice often surprises people. They see the joy I find in motherhood and expect me to say something like, “It’s the best thing ever! The moment you give birth, you’ll realize it’s your destiny!” But instead, I usually say, “If you’re not completely sure, maybe you should reconsider. Your life is pretty great as it is, right?”
This often leads to blank stares and confusion.
What’s wrong with having the freedom to travel without childcare plans? Or enjoying a midday drink? Or dedicating time to your career and passions? I have many childless friends in their 40s who are thriving. Sure, I know some unhappy ones, but I doubt that adding a baby would change their situation.
I firmly believe that not all women are biologically programmed to be mothers. Just because you have the reproductive organs doesn’t mean you must use them. Many couples fall prey to societal pressure suggesting that children are a necessity for completeness. News flash: you don’t need kids to be fulfilled.
Let’s be real, the world is overpopulated. We don’t have the resources to support all these new lives. Right now, there isn’t a pressing biological need to keep populating the Earth. We’re doing just fine.
Plus, parenting is tough. It requires sacrifices that you must be prepared for. Every time I mention that, someone gets offended, claiming that motherhood isn’t hard. Well, let me tell you, it is. It may be rewarding, but it’s also a monumental challenge.
The hardest part about deciding to have kids is that the questions we grapple with are impossible to answer. Why should I have a child? Will it make me more selfless or more selfish? How will it change me? Will I even like this new person? What will my life look like? If someone claims to have all the answers, they’re likely not being truthful.
That’s why I say what I do. If you’re uncertain about having kids, don’t rush into it. When faced with such a monumental decision, I can only reflect on my own experience. My deep desire to become a mother has carried me through the tough times. If I hadn’t been so resolute about wanting kids, I can’t imagine how fulfilled I’d feel now.
Sure, there are people who weren’t sure about parenting and ended up loving it. But I believe there has to be a level of certainty when making such a significant choice. You’re bringing a human being into the world—something you should at least feel somewhat confident about, right?
And then, you’ll discover that you’re never really sure about anything.
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Summary
The author reflects on the complexities of deciding to have children and emphasizes that if you’re uncertain, it may be best to hold off. Parenthood comes with immense challenges and sacrifices, and it’s crucial to feel certain about such a significant decision.