Once upon a time, my grandmother would wash her windows twice a year. My grandfather would remove the panes from the sills, and she’d scrub them down with blue Windex and a newspaper, grumbling all the while. This ritual, performed in both spring and fall, seemed to give her a sense of accomplishment.
Meanwhile, I’ve been living in my house for seven years and haven’t laid a finger on my windows. Sure, I’ve wiped off a few smudges, but they’ve never had the pleasure of a Windex treatment. We see life through a hazy lens, and honestly, we don’t mind. Who has time to wash windows when a housekeeper is just a dream? But windows are just the beginning of my chore rebellion. I know I’m not alone in this—because when it comes to certain tasks, ain’t nobody got time for that.
1. Washing the Walls
My grandmother was all about wall washing. She’d ball up rags, mist the paint, and scrub away. But really, is this just a plot to keep women busy? Gloria Steinem definitely didn’t spend her time washing walls! I only bother with this chore when my toddler turns our hallway into a colorful canvas with crayons or markers. Spoiler: it doesn’t come off easily, and now my hallway looks like an art project gone wrong.
2. Scrubbing the Baseboards
What even are baseboards? Oh right, those decorative pieces at the bottom of the walls. I’m supposed to scrub them because, apparently, they get scuffed or marked. But moving furniture to scrub them? No, thank you. I prefer to live in blissful ignorance of whatever’s lurking underneath.
3. Cleaning Under the Couch
The abyss beneath my couch is terrifying. Dust bunnies, rogue action figures, and half-eaten snacks lurk there. I’d rather not confront what’s lurking beneath the cushions, especially when my 4-year-old thinks it’s an archaeological dig site for lost treasures like broken crayons and mysterious batteries.
4. Washing Couch Pillows
Who knew people actually washed couch pillows? The only time I’d think about doing that is if the dog had an accident. I’m lucky if those pillows get fluffed or moved from their designated corners. They’re more of a makeshift laptop stand than anything else, and frankly, I’m not even aware they have zippers.
5. Bleaching the Kids’ Toys
Apparently, some moms collect all their kids’ toys and soak them in bleach. I’ll clap for anyone who can round up my kids’ toys, which seem to vanish into thin air. I don’t have enough buckets or time to tackle that project. I’ve never bleached my kids’ pacifiers, so I’m definitely not diving into a bleach bath for their 6,000 plastic dinosaurs. I’ll save my bleach for laundry, thank you very much.
6. Organizing the Closets
My closet is a time capsule of forgotten items, including clothes I haven’t worn since the Nixon era. It’s full of hats I don’t like, dog hair galore, and toys that have been lost to time. My kids occasionally explore back there like it’s Narnia, and we just call it charming to avoid the truth.
7. Washing Out the Washer
Isn’t the washing machine supposed to be self-cleaning? Running a cycle to clean the thing that cleans? Sounds like a waste of water to me. I figure that washing my clothes is enough to keep my washer happy. Am I right?
8. Cleaning the Top of the Refrigerator
Only the Almighty knows what’s on top of my fridge. Cereal boxes? Check. A cutting board we never use? Check. Dust? Definitely. I’ll tackle that mess when we move, or when the fridge finally decides to break down.
Some might judge me as the world’s messiest mom, while others are probably looking at their own baseboards with a slow clap. I’m just brave enough to admit it, making my grandmother spin in her grave. I don’t do deep cleaning, and may the universe have mercy on my home.
If you’re looking for more insights on home insemination, check out this informative post or visit Make A Mom for a kit that can assist you. For a deeper understanding of the process, Wikipedia offers an excellent resource.
Summary
The author humorously lists household chores they refuse to do, sharing relatable anecdotes and emphasizing that some tasks are simply not a priority in their busy life.