Moms often rely on various methods to maintain their sanity. Sometimes, it’s the simple act of inviting a friend over to share a good laugh or vent about the day. Other times, it’s sending a quick text to our partners asking them to grab takeout—again. We’ve all experienced those precious five-minute escapes behind a locked bathroom door. Personally, I find solace in indulging in a bath, sipping some wine, making phone calls, watching a funny movie, fixing my hair, jogging, or enjoying a scoop of ice cream. However, there are instances when embracing the concept of a “Lobotomy Mom” can be the ultimate form of self-preservation.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not advocating for an actual lobotomy—those days are long gone! The term “Lobotomy Mom” was introduced to me by my friend’s therapist, who suggested that she disengage her parental instincts when dealing with her kids’ squabbles. The idea is to temporarily switch off that part of your brain that urges you to intervene, protect, or control what your children are doing.
I know this sounds a bit out there, and believe me, it’s a challenge I struggle with too. Here are some moments when we could all benefit from channeling our inner Lobotomy Mom, allowing us to keep our sanity intact.
- When your kids are bickering
I’ve observed that when my kids start arguing (as long as there’s no actual danger), they tend to resolve their differences more swiftly if I stay out of it. If I jump in, the focus shifts from settling the dispute to trying to sway me. - During homework time
Honestly, I can barely help with their assignments anymore. If I try to explain anything, I’ll probably confuse them even more with my outdated methods. - While getting dressed
This is the area where I find it hardest to step back. But really, if they decide to dress like a character from a cartoon, that’s on them, not me! - When cleaning their rooms
Let’s face it, kids don’t clean the way we do—and they never will. But if we don’t let them try, they’ll never learn. - When they’re playing quietly
Ever find yourself wondering, “It’s too quiet. What are they up to?” If they’re old enough to avoid sticking things in outlets, let them be. I have to remind myself of this often. - If they’re doing something risky but not life-threatening
Kids should experience climbing trees, using knives, and riding bikes down hills. I did all of these things. If I don’t let go of my fears, I’m robbing them of valuable lessons. - When they want to make friends at the playground
Watching your child struggle to connect with others is torturous. I can guide them, but I can’t manufacture friendships. I need to detach and let them navigate this. - When they refuse to wear their coat
There was a time my son had to stay inside at recess for not wearing his coat. Since then, he’s never complained about it again. Lesson learned! - During creative activities
Kids have wild imaginations. If we let them unleash their creativity, we might be surprised by their unique creations. We need to resist the urge to impose our ideas of “normal.” - When they’re tackling tasks you assigned
Even if they’re doing it completely wrong, let them go ahead. It’s all part of the learning process!
We all need a little mental disengagement from our kids now and then. I resolve to embrace the Lobotomy Mom mindset more often. It may empower our children to become more self-sufficient, and it could help us reclaim some aspects of our lives outside of parenthood. By preserving our own identities, we can offer even more to our families.
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Summary
In parenting, occasionally stepping back can offer valuable lessons for kids and much-needed peace for moms. Embracing the “Lobotomy Mom” approach can help us navigate daily challenges with more ease and teach our children independence.