I find myself missing friendships, but honestly, not as fiercely as I expected. Sure, I still have friends, but they’re not the same as they used to be. With two little ones under six, most of our interactions are through texts. Phone calls are rare, and face-to-face meetings are even more of a unicorn sighting.
When I welcomed my second daughter into the world, I envisioned a life filled with playdates and outings. I thought that my life wouldn’t change much from when I had just one child. Oh, how naive I was! Breastfeeding my new baby turned out to be a challenge, especially in noisy places, making outings to restaurants a no-go. Friends who used to invite me and my oldest over seemed to have vanished from my social calendar. I wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy for both my girls and myself, but juggling two kids was a whole new level of difficulty.
Eventually, things began to shift. It was so gradual that I barely noticed at first, but soon I realized I was taking my kids out for lunch and grocery shopping, and we were venturing out beyond the confines of our family room without any major disasters. To be fair, I save the “big” errands for weekends when their dad can join us, turning grocery runs and apple picking into family outings instead of solo “Mommy and Me” adventures during the week.
Somewhere along the line, my daughters became friends. Just the other day, they were sitting together in a heart-shaped huddle, whispering about their favorite show while my husband and I watched them from the kitchen, completely unaware. Their bond is so strong that my toddler has had meltdowns when she misses her big sister at school.
It seems that having two kids somehow became easier than having one. I can sneak in quick showers now without the constant worry of phantom cries. If one child is up to something questionable, the other will run to the bathroom and announce, “Uh oh!” even if it’s about a booger on a finger.
As I navigate this journey of raising my little girls, I’ve grown accustomed to the chaos, and the years spent with just my oldest feel like a distant, cozy memory I’m careful to cherish. I must remind myself that these “Mom of Little Kids” years, despite their challenges, are some of the best times of my life.
The other day, I chatted with a stranger at a restaurant while wrangling my two kids. I told him that had I known how wonderful sibling relationships could be, I might have been less apprehensive about having a second child sooner. That said, I wouldn’t change a thing. I adore my two girls and cherish the quality time I had with my oldest. The spacing in their ages allows me special moments with my youngest before she, too, heads off to school.
However, my daughters are not my friends. I want them to enjoy my company, and I do love theirs, but they’re still my kids; I’m the adult here. I do need friends, though my time is stretched thin. I carve out moments for self-care—exercising, reading, and writing—yet the reality is that I only have a handful of years to nurture these little ones.
It’ll all go by in a flash. Soon, diapers will be a thing of the past, sleep will be uninterrupted, and our lives will shift into a new kind of normal—one where we’re not caring for tiny humans.
I don’t want to rush through these years, even if some days, I feel like hitting fast forward. I don’t want to brush off my kids asking me to do a puzzle just to call a friend who I love and miss. Instead, let’s keep in touch through text, holding each other close in our hearts.
For now, I’m fully present, savoring these fleeting moments of motherhood. My oldest has even started calling me “Mom” occasionally, which feels like a tiny reminder that she’s growing up.
I do miss my friends. My sister’s wedding is coming up, and I’m trying to figure out how to plan a bachelorette party around bedtime schedules and those relentless 5 a.m. wake-up calls. I miss those long chats with friends from afar and making plans to see movies that my husband wouldn’t be caught dead watching with me. Yet, I find that I’m missing those connections less than I thought I would.
Somewhere along the way, being a mother transformed from a role that consumed me into a fulfilling part of who I am. At least for now, that’s enough.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection on motherhood, Emily Parker shares her journey of raising two young daughters and how her friendships have shifted during this time. While she misses the camaraderie of friends, she finds fulfillment in the joys and challenges of parenting. Emily emphasizes the importance of being present and savoring these fleeting years, even as she acknowledges the need for adult connections.