Parenting can be a wild ride, and if you’ve been out and about, you’ve likely crossed paths with her—the mom who seems to be juggling more chaos than a circus clown. You spot her in the grocery store, at the park, or even trying to enjoy a meal at a family-friendly restaurant, usually flanked by a couple of little ones. She’s the one with hair thrown up in a messy bun and clothes that might have seen better days. The real eye-catcher, though? The high-pitched shrieks of her children echoing in the background.
She notices your stares—those judgmental glares that could cut glass. She’s acutely aware of the whispers and comments floating around her, even when it seems impossible to hear them over the cacophony of her child’s tantrum. Her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and you might catch a glimpse of tears forming in her eyes. Trust me, they’re not just from the noise.
Despite the chaos, she’s striving to keep her cool. When a well-meaning stranger, perhaps an elderly couple, approaches to offer advice that feels like salt in the wound, she musters a tight-lipped smile. Sure, she appreciates the sentiment, but the situation feels like it’s spiraling out of control. Comments like “it gets better” don’t always land the way they’re intended. Most days, she just wants to escape—abandoning the cart full of groceries or the half-eaten meal is a small price to pay for some peace.
As she glances at you and your calm, well-behaved children, a twinge of envy strikes her. Your kids, sitting quietly and peacefully, look like they’ve stepped out of a parenting magazine. Meanwhile, she can’t help but picture you as the quintessential PTA mom, baking cookies for school events while effortlessly managing motherhood and a career. She wishes for that simplicity, for the days when parenting was straightforward rather than a minefield.
A while back, my partner and I were at the mall when we witnessed a scene that struck a chord. A little girl was wailing, and her mom was crouched down, trying to soothe her. Just then, a group of teenagers sauntered by, one of them loudly lamenting the noise and questioning why the mom would even bring her child out in public. I watched as the mom’s face turned a shade of red that was almost comical. She confronted the teens, and we couldn’t help but stifle laughter as they awkwardly fell silent. Over lunch, we reflected on the moment, admitting that we had once been just like those teens—quick to judge and convinced we knew better.
Fast forward to today, and I am that mom. The one you see with a child in meltdown mode. I dread outings, knowing they could turn chaotic in an instant. After a particularly challenging shopping trip, I often find myself in the car, head in my hands, fighting back tears. I now understand the harsh reality that I once judged so harshly.
So here’s my request: before you jump to conclusions about her parenting skills or her children’s behavior, take a moment to consider other factors. Perhaps the child is simply overtired or hungry. Maybe there are underlying issues you can’t see. It’s not always a reflection of poor parenting.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m not alone in this struggle. One of my children has autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing disorder, which can trigger meltdowns in situations that seem trivial to others. When you see my child screaming in the checkout line, know that something as mundane as the cart not moving can lead to an overwhelming outburst. I might look like I’m struggling, but I’m doing my best to help my child regroup. And believe me, all children can lose it from time to time—special needs or not.
So next time you encounter that mom, give her a break. Don’t assume she’s failing as a parent. We all have tough days, and some children face more challenges than others. When you see me struggling, just know I’m giving it my all. If you think you could do better, step into my shoes for a moment. Until you do, you really have no idea what it’s like to be in her position.
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In summary, parenting can often feel isolating and overwhelming, especially when faced with the scrutiny of others. The next time you encounter a mom in distress, remember that she may be grappling with challenges you can’t see. A little compassion goes a long way.