Hey, Carla,
I’m writing in response to your many invites about the upcoming moms’ hangouts. I apologize for not replying sooner, but I was busy battling a rogue swarm of angry bees and couldn’t get a decent Wi-Fi connection.
So, here’s the deal: I won’t be making it to the TGI Friday’s gathering this week or to your “Let’s Get Lit” candle event next week (though I admit it did pique my interest). And let’s not even discuss Bunco or that “Crafts with Giraffes” thing—seriously, were the zoo folks on board with that?
I think it’s time I lay it all out for you: I’m not looking to be your mom friend. I know this might catch you off guard since our kids are in a playgroup together, but let’s be real: they might not even want to play together next week, so no need to get too chummy.
I realize you’re the life of the PTA party, so I’ll explain my reasoning:
- People Aren’t My Thing: You seem lovely, truly, but I’m not exactly a people person. I endure socializing for work, but once that clock strikes five, I’m all about solitude. I’d rather chill in my sweatpants, bra-less, with a drink in hand.
- Chitchat Isn’t My Style: Yes, I sound antisocial again, but small talk makes me cringe. Why do we have to discuss my husband’s job or my kids’ extracurriculars when we just met? Honestly, do you even care that my kid avoids soccer like the plague?
- Extracurriculars? No Thanks: I noticed your little one has a packed schedule. That sounds exhausting! I can’t fathom dragging my kid around every night just to share my exhaustion with you and the other moms. What a waste of time, right?
- I’ve Got My Circle: Sure, we tell kids they can never have too many friends, but I prefer my small, trusted group. They’d help me hide a body—and don’t worry, I don’t mean you any harm, Carla. Just illustrating my point!
- Trust Issues? You Bet: High school taught me a lot about women and their drama. I’m not one for gossip. Give me a plate of chicken wings to dissect instead, and I’m happy.
- Friendships Should Flow Naturally: I’m not against new friendships, but they should happen organically. Being pressured to attend a TGI Friday’s night out feels like my personal version of purgatory.
- True Friends Accept Me: My real friends get my quirky humor and love me just as I am. They call me out when I wear ugly shoes, and that’s why I treasure them.
So, I’m sorry, Carla, but I won’t be joining your mom squad. And truthfully, you might’ve found me a bit much anyway!
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In summary, I appreciate your invitations, but I’m not the mom friend you’re looking for.