Dear Friend,
I just received your wonderful news about your pregnancy—congratulations and welcome to the wild ride of motherhood! The next nine months will be filled with a rollercoaster of emotions, from thrilling highs to exhausting lows, as you prepare for the day you finally get to cradle your little one in your arms.
I feel it’s important to share some thoughts now to prevent any unintentional hurt later. First off, I want you to know how much I adore you and the tiny miracle growing inside you. My greatest hope is for your baby to arrive safely and for you to savor every moment of this incredible journey.
However, as you might know, my own pregnancy story didn’t end in the way I had wished. I’m aware that I can be a reminder of the harsh realities of pregnancy—the fact that even with all the medical advancements we have, tragedies can still occur. I know I represent a fear that lingers in the hearts of many mothers, proving that sometimes, things can go terribly wrong even when everything seems fine.
If I happen to mention my own experiences during our time together, please know I’m not trying to rain on your parade. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Max, who, while he filled my heart with joy for a brief moment, only lived for two days. It’s a bittersweet truth that many prefer not to discuss.
When I offer advice about monitoring your baby’s movements and the importance of kick counting, it’s not meant to frighten you. It’s simply that I know all too well how quickly a seemingly smooth pregnancy can take a turn for the worse. I don’t wish that kind of heartache on anyone, especially you.
I hope you’ll understand if I struggle to fully engage in conversations about “normal” pregnancy topics, such as your birth plan. I had one too, but it was tossed aside in a desperate attempt to save my son’s life. The scars from that emergency C-section still ache, and while I respect your choice for a medication-free birth, I often find myself wishing I could have just brought home a living baby.
You may notice that I can’t always share in the joy of your pregnancy. It’s not that I’m being spiteful; it’s just that my heart has been through a lot. You have an army of family and friends surrounding you with love and excitement, and you absolutely deserve it! My own feelings are complex, and I hope you can appreciate that when I see you glowing with happiness, it’s a bittersweet reminder of what I wish I had.
Throughout these months ahead, I’m committed to being a supportive friend. If I say something that hurts you, please bring it to my attention, but also remember that I’m working through my own healing process. Even without living children, I am still a mother. I want to hear all about your little one, but I also hope we can create space for me to talk about Max. He may not be here physically, but he is still a part of my life and my heart.
Sending you all my love,
Your Friend and Fellow Mama